Maybe cloth face masks filter out the magic?
WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Fans of the Walt Disney World Resort & Spa are still reeling over the loss of the Magical Express and Extra Magic Hours [Ed.: And pavement]. But like seemingly everything else these days, there is worse news behind the bad news.
Disney has almost completely exhausted its store of magic.
"We've been draining our magic supplies like crazy in the past few months," confesses Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney ...
We're looking forward to walking our luggage from the airport to Walt Disney World.
WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Walt Disney World recently gave us the totally exciting and not-at-all upsetting news that in 2022, the Disney's Magical Express service will be eliminated completely. With no more Magical Express, guests will be forced to hop into the nearest ride-share, cab, or overpriced car transfer service, to reach the Most Magical Place on Earth. Also, Extra Magic Hours are not returning, except for ...
First they came for the ducks, but I did not speak out because I was not a duck...
SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- Complete Unbiased® social media giant Twitter is permanently banning the @RealDonaldDuck account from ever tweeting again.
Head Twit Jack Dorsey announced the move today. "We try to understand The Donald's tweets, but they are just uncomprehensible most of the time. So given his anger issues and his blatant Nazi past, we figured he must be inciting violence."
Uncle Walt's Insider will keep ...
We only make up stuff when we want to start a rumor. (This, for example.)
BOCA CHICA, TX -- For the first time in Walt Disney World history, fireworks did not explode over Cinderella Castle as the clock struck midnight on New Years Eve.
In fact, Disney has not launched a barrage of exploding shells into the sky since the parks re-opened, after closing due to the Great Churro Shortage of 2020. This has left Disney, the second largest purchaser of explosives ...
The logo changes are so subtle. Can you spot them?
ANAHEIM, CA -- Disney's recent attempt to re-open Disneyland as an autonomous zone has failed, Uncle Walt's Insider can now report. Governor Gavin Newsom (D) quickly saw that the change was making his subjects freer and happier without authorization by his regime, so he quickly had his foot soldiers shut down the parks.
In what we are sure is a complete coincidence, Disney has unveiled a new logo for the Disneyland Resort. ...