World Archives - Uncle Walt's Insider
Wait, who was taking this picture? Photo by U.S. Indo-Pacific Command [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0] via Flickr; inset photo by Kjersti Holmang [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikipedia.

Accidental nuclear launch traced to Hall of Presidents

We told you not to bring nuclear launch codes to the Magic Kingdom! USS TENNESSEE, ATLANTIC OCEAN-- In a shocking turn of events, a nuclear missile was accidentally launched from the USS Tennessee in the Atlantic Ocean yesterday. The apparent culprit? None other than the Joe Biden audio-animatronic at Walt Disney World's Hall of Presidents. The animatronic Biden and former presidents had recently been upgraded to connect to the AI system ChatGPT. "We thought that adding ChatGPT would make the Hall of Presidents more lifelike ... Read more
Heaven forbid you don't need to go when your reservation time arrives. Photo composite from like, the internet.

Disney’s new marketing campaign: “There’s a reservation for that!”®

Better get your bathroom breaks scheduled early. BURBANK, CA -- During the recent earnings call, temporary Disney CEO/Grand Poobah Bob "Bob" Iger revealed the next big celebration coming to Disney Parks and Resorts. The new "There's a reservation for that!"® marketing campaign will highlight all of the fun ways you can experience Disney Parks and Resorts, provided you have a reservation. During the slide show part of the presentation (using Walt Disney's own slide projector), Iger walked through some of the new images ... Read more
We also let an AI, Midjourney, handle the cover photo. We hardly even had to show up to publish this! Photo by Midjourney.

“Yes, Virginia, There is a Disneyland in Texas”

You ask. We answer let an AI answer. From our inbox: "I read your article from 10/2020 that Disney broke ground on land for a new theme park in Texas, but a previous article you did mentions it rumored to be moving to Oklahoma. Is there really a Disney theme park coming to Texas? If so is it northern TX? Do they have a tentative opening date?" -Suzette  "Yes, Suzette Virginia, There is a Disneyland in Texas" It is almost impossible to believe that there ... Read more
We're offering a bounty on any photos of Mickey with George Soros. Photo via Reuters & WDWMagic.

Mickey Mouse spotted at the WEF in Davos

We're not sure what it means, but it can't be great. DAVOS, SWITZERLAND -- Photographs surfaced yesterday showing clearly that Disney head cheese Mickey Mouse was among the attendees at the World Economic Forum in Davos. Rumors have abounded for years that Mickey has ties to clandestine organizations such as the W.E.F, the W.W.F., the W.W.E., the New World Order, the Trilateral Commission, the Freemasons, The Pentavirate, and Meals on Wheels, but these photographs are the first documented proof. (Uncle Walt's Insider ... Read more
No one at Disneyl... Hang on, we publish this at 6 am Pacific Time, well before the park opens. And why would there be sunlight? Photo via Twitter.

Iger: Cast Members must return to office; #outwithiger trends on Twitter

Ride operators at the parks will finally be on-site again instead of pushing buttons from home! BR'ER BANK, CA -- Newly reinstated Disney CEO Bob "Bob" Iger has told employees that the days of working from home are coming to an end. Effective March 1, 2023, Disney employees will be required to work in person at least four days per week, including at the many Disney theme parks around the globe. And Cast Members are not happy with the order! Uncle Walt's Insider ... Read more