World Archives - Uncle Walt's Insider
The renamed & relocated Disneyland Escanaba. Photo courtesy American Heartland Theme Park and Resort (and Spa?).

Disneyland Escanaba sold to investors, moving to Oklahoma

Fire sale at the Disney Company! VINITA, OK -- Sources say Disney CEO Bob 'Bob' Iger, eager to raise capital for the struggling entertainment company, is quietly selling off pieces of the company. Money-losing parts of the company such as ABC, Freeform, FX, and Kathleen Kennedy are up for sale. And the latest piece of the company to go? Michigan's Disneyland Escanaba. Goodbye Yoopers The park, located (some say) in the Upper Peninsula of the state of Michigan, is most famous for three things: ... Read more
Maybe they'll call it "Monstro's Whale Tail" for a while. Photo © Disney, Carnival Corp., maybe.

Is Disney tracking guests via “NSA” desserts?

The intelligence community is really into sugar-free cooking, apparently. CASTAWAY CAY, BAHAMAS -- Picture yourself aboard the magnificent Disney Fantasy cruise ship, where dreams come true, enchantment knows no bounds, and your bank account never recovers. Amidst the grandeur and wonder, an unexpected twist unfolds – you spy [Heh] a mysterious dessert labeled "NSA Apple Turnovers" in Cabana's buffet. What gives? While Disney insists that "NSA" stands for "No Sugar Added," rumors abound that this sweet dessert reveals a secret alliance with the ... Read more
Wait, who was taking this picture? Photo by U.S. Indo-Pacific Command [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0] via Flickr; inset photo by Kjersti Holmang [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikipedia.

Accidental nuclear launch traced to Hall of Presidents

We told you not to bring nuclear launch codes to the Magic Kingdom! USS TENNESSEE, ATLANTIC OCEAN-- In a shocking turn of events, a nuclear missile was accidentally launched from the USS Tennessee in the Atlantic Ocean yesterday. The apparent culprit? None other than the Joe Biden audio-animatronic at Walt Disney World's Hall of Presidents. The animatronic Biden and former presidents had recently been upgraded to connect to the AI system ChatGPT. "We thought that adding ChatGPT would make the Hall of Presidents more lifelike ... Read more
Heaven forbid you don't need to go when your reservation time arrives. Photo composite from like, the internet.

Disney’s new marketing campaign: “There’s a reservation for that!”®

Better get your bathroom breaks scheduled early. BURBANK, CA -- During the recent earnings call, temporary Disney CEO/Grand Poobah Bob "Bob" Iger revealed the next big celebration coming to Disney Parks and Resorts. The new "There's a reservation for that!"® marketing campaign will highlight all of the fun ways you can experience Disney Parks and Resorts, provided you have a reservation. During the slide show part of the presentation (using Walt Disney's own slide projector), Iger walked through some of the new images ... Read more
We also let an AI, Midjourney, handle the cover photo. We hardly even had to show up to publish this! Photo by Midjourney.

“Yes, Virginia, There is a Disneyland in Texas”

You ask. We answer let an AI answer. From our inbox: "I read your article from 10/2020 that Disney broke ground on land for a new theme park in Texas, but a previous article you did mentions it rumored to be moving to Oklahoma. Is there really a Disney theme park coming to Texas? If so is it northern TX? Do they have a tentative opening date?" -Suzette  "Yes, Suzette Virginia, There is a Disneyland in Texas" It is almost impossible to believe that there ... Read more