Soon, Escanaba will be just like Orlando! But slightly colder.
ORLANDO, FL -- Following an announcement that construction on their new "Epic Universe" theme park had been halted, Universal Orlando hit us with another surprise.
Rather than being the third park [Ed.: Universal claims it would be their fourth, but a warmed-over version of Wet 'n' Wild is not a theme park.] in the company's Florida portfolio, they'll be building the Epic Universe park just outside of Escanaba, Michigan.
Escanaba? Seriously? Escanaba?
Seriously. They ...
We kind of figured this would have to happen eventually.
BURBANK, CA -- Officials at the Company announced today that they are erasing 's name from films, theme parks, and products world-wide. (the company) spokesperson Jun (no relation) shared the reasoning.
" was a backwards thinker. And he had a major part in creating things that can never see the light of day again, including Song of the South, Nazi-loving Donald Duck, and cream cheese-filled pretzels. Because of this, ...
Goofy wasn't fit to be Disney CEO. His name isn't Bob.
BURBANK, CA -- Mickey Mouse is back.
After announcing his retirement yesterday, the Mouse "pulled an Iger" and announced his unretirement today. No formal reason was given. A source tells Uncle Walt's Insider, however, that Goofy was a "disaster."
Minnie Our source, who wished to remain anonymous, giggled and said, "My sweetheart just was made to be the head guy. Everyone loves Mickey!"
"Oh, sure, everyone loves Goofy, too, but not in the ...
He'll still make appearances, but he's turning over the running of the company to Goofy.
BURBANK, CA -- In a stunning move, Disney icon Mickey Mouse is retiring as the "big boss" of the Disney empire. The company announced today that Mickey, who is well into his 90's, is "stepping away" to spend more time with Minnie and enjoy his "twilight years."
The announcement says Mickey will still appear in the parks on a limited basis, but will leave the daily operations ...
They just do everything right!
PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA -- Amidst global shutdowns of the theme park and entertainment industries, one nation has managed to keep its Disney park operating. In fact, not just operating, but flourishing!
In an article published yesterday, the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) reported that "His Excellency Marshal Kim Jong Un personally welcomed the five trillionth visitor to Disneyland Pyongyang." The "glorious meeting" was "a fruition of the wise guidance of the Workers' Party of Korea and the great ...