Disney's going all in on... whatever the latest thing is. Sorry, we haven't read the article yet.
ANAHEIM, CA - The yearly D23 Expo in Anaheim is always the source of juicy news, and as usual, Uncle Walt's Insider is full of it! Here are some of the biggest announcements from Disney this year:
TRON Lightcycle Run's opening day announcement date announced
The new Magic Kingdom attraction's opening date will be announced by September 3 of next year! Or maybe that was when they ...
Pictured: Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.
UNCLE WALT'S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD -- Brits and anglophiles worldwide are mourning the passing of the United Kingdom's Queen Elizabeth II. Uncle Walt's Insider has learned that Disney parks worldwide will be closing down their respective U.K. Pavilions for a period of mourning, including the ones at Florida's EPCOT Centre (Disney: "They'll just have to go around"), California's California Adventure, and Disneyland Pyongyang.
Uncle Walt's Insider offices will remain open; however, we will have "God Save the ...
Wait, what did they put on Main Street USA???
WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- In stunning news, exclusive to Uncle Walt's Insider [Ed.: Actually, most of the articles we make up are exclusive to us], Walt Disney World has shut down entirely due to an outbreak of monkeypox.
Details are sketchy at the moment, so instead of making stuff up like we usually do, we reached out to our favorite Disney spokesperson.
Our favorite Disney spokesperson
Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) was ...
Uncle Walt's Insider step-planDisney (Step)Moms answer your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]
"Dear step-planDisney (Step)Moms: Will there be a crossover movie with Cars and Raya and the Lost Dragon and Moana and Frozen and Tangled and Garfield?" - Malikhi Brandon, Bellevue, NE
Dear Brandy, thank you for writing.
A crossover with Cars, Raya, Moana, Frozen, Tangled & Garfield? ...
It's like they're milking a dead horse, or beating the cow they rode in on. Or something.
BR'ER BANK, CA - You thought our previous list of Star Wars & Marvel spinoffs coming to Disney+ was complete? Nay, nay! Disney's going to squeeze the blood from this turnip until the stars fall from the clowns. [Ed.: Will someone please work with Marty on his analogies?]
Here's a few more you may not yet have heard of:
Extreme City Makeover: Mos Eisley
From wretched hive ...