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We're already sick... of each other. Quarantine sign [CC0] via Pixabay.

Uncle Walt’s staff in quarantine after going viral

We're at an elevated risk, since we go viral so rarely. UNCLE WALT'S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD -- The entire staff of Uncle Walt's Insider has been quarantined in our Svalbard headquarters after one of our articles went viral recently.  As mentioned by completely non-political and unbiased website Snopes [Ed.: remember, we are satire.], a recent article we wrote was shared around the world and viewed millions of times. [We think it was the one about Six Flags opening a Hall of Vice Presidents. ... Read more
The Golden Gate Bridge, Texas-bound? Photo by Prabhanjankumarnandyala [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikimedia.

Golden Gate Bridge will flee California for Texas

Where will it end? SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- It started with hundreds of thousands of residents leaving California. Then theme park Disneyland decided to leave, and was quickly followed by Knott's Berry Farm, SeaWorld, and Disney California Adventure. Now the first non-park landmark has announced its departure: the famous Golden Gate Bridge. The Golden Gate (the bridge) spokesperson Jun Gate (no relation) announced the plans to Uncle Walt's Insider. "Things are just getting nuts out here," said Gate (no relation). "I mean, when someone put ... Read more
The entrance to Disney formerly-California Adventure. Photo by Neon Tommy [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Wikimedia.

With theme parks fleeing the state, Disney California Adventure remains undecided

"Who would want a 'California' park in a non-California state?" ANAHEIM, CA -- Once sister theme park Disneyland decided to leave California (quickly followed by Knott's Berry Farm and SeaWorld), Disney's California Adventure theme park was left in a quandary. "Sure, we'd like to leave," Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) tells Uncle Walt's Insider, "especially since Disneyland took the parking garages with them. But we're a California-themed park. Everything about us screams 'California.' "Take a look at the theming: from ... Read more
UWI (Step)Moms Panel

(Step)Moms Panel: What do you think of all the theme parks leaving California?

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: What do you think of all the theme parks leaving California? How do I we they stop them from leaving?" - Gavin N., Sacramento CA Walt: Hi Glen, thanks for asking. I once made the mistake of letting Harriet borrow my car. ... Read more
Maybe they'll also make Sleeping Beauty Castle look like Cinderella Castle with a Texas flag; or, the media guy was too lazy to create a new image and just reused one from a 2017 article. Photo by depositphotos.com.

BREAKING: Disneyland is abandoning California, moving to Texas

The moving vans are scheduled for Wednesday. ANAHEIM, CA -- Saying they've "finally had enough" and the state is "just nuts," Disneyland officials have announced that the park is leaving California. The park joins hundreds of thousands of California residents fleeing the state each year. Various reasons have been given for the mass exodus, but most common are the high cost of living, the overreaching liberal government, or that the state is "just nuts." Former Cast Members already there Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney ... Read more