Other Archives |
Mickey likes to talks to tomatoes. No word if a squash can make him smile. Photo by Josh Hallett [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.

Disney to purchase VeggieTales

Okay, now they own everything. BURBANK, CA -- The Disney Company is in final talks with VeggieTales owner Universal to bring Bob the Tomato, Larry the Cucumber, and all of their vegetable friends under the Disney banner. Sources inside both companies say that they expect a deal to be closed soon. One of the final hurdles to reaching agreement is VeggieTales demand that Disney disassociate itself from dancer and actress Julianne Hough. "Vegetables just have a problem with anything that sounds like 'julienne,'" ... Read more
Ultimate cosmic power!!!! Still can't reopen Disneyland. Image background by Carlos Donderis [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0] via Flickr.

“Mega-Merger”: Disney purchases Apple, Google, Microsoft & Amazon

And they are currently negotiating with both major political parties. BURBANK, CA -- In a stunning development, the Disney Company announced today that it will be purchasing Apple, Google, Microsoft and Amazon, and all of their subsidiary brands. Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) was ecstatic. "This is off the record, obviously," she whispered into our hidden microphone, "but this is just one step closer to our ultimate goal of world domination." How does that square with with founder Walt Disney (related)'s dream ... Read more
Alphonso Ribeiro statue at Disney's Ribeiro Resort. Photo by Summer Hull/The Points Guy, modified slightly.

Rumors fly about “Disney’s Ribeiro Resort”

It's not unusual to be loved by anyone. But it is unusual for our articles. UNCLE WALT'S H.Q., SVALBARD -- We recently received a cryptic email from an anonymous [Ed.: Hi Bob!] source, deep within the Walt Disney Company. The source wrote simply, "You should write an article about Disney's Ribeiro Resort." That was it. The entire email. Not really a lot to go on, but hey, we're award-winning journalists. We can uncover the rest of the story ourselves. We were able ... Read more
We're disappointed. We thought we'd be able to see the potato. Photo [CC0] via Pikist.

Frozen 33-1/3 and more, coming soon to Disney+!

Since the Mulan remake is such a success, here are more smash hits coming to Disney+! MY LIVING ROOM -- In the biggest news since introduction of the potato cam, the Disney Company has announced the next several months of releases for their streaming service, Disney+. We've gone through and compiled a list of all the titles you probably missed when you looked. Lesser Known Films, Remakes, Sequels Beauty and the Beats - Emma Watson reprises her role as Belle, in this live action ... Read more
We're already sick... of each other. Quarantine sign [CC0] via Pixabay.

Uncle Walt’s staff in quarantine after going viral

We're at an elevated risk, since we go viral so rarely. UNCLE WALT'S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD -- The entire staff of Uncle Walt's Insider has been quarantined in our Svalbard headquarters after one of our articles went viral recently.  As mentioned by completely non-political and unbiased website Snopes [Ed.: remember, we are satire.], a recent article we wrote was shared around the world and viewed millions of times. [We think it was the one about Six Flags opening a Hall of Vice Presidents. ... Read more