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Mickey Mouse. Not Marty. Image by Loren Javier [CC BY-ND 2.0] via Flickr.

BREAKING: MICKEY MOUSE ANNOUNCES RETIREMENT

He'll still make appearances, but he's turning over the running of the company to Goofy. BURBANK, CA -- In a stunning move, Disney icon Mickey Mouse is retiring as the "big boss" of the Disney empire. The company announced today that Mickey, who is well into his 90's, is "stepping away" to spend more time with Minnie and enjoy his "twilight years." The announcement says Mickey will still appear in the parks on a limited basis, but will leave the daily operations ... Read more
Former official campaign photo of Joe Rohde’s Earring, courtesy Joe Rohde’s Earring for President 2020. Photo by alchetron.com [CC BY-SA 3.0].

Joe Rohde’s Earring suspends campaign, does not endorse anyone

It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for them. BURBANK, CA -- Joe Rohde's Earring yesterday is suspending its campaign for the presidency. The brief press release issued yesterday gave three reasons for the decision. The campaign just never gained traction, due to "the quarantine preventing campaign events," "difficulty in fundraising," and the fact that "as an earring [it] is not Constitutionally eligible for the office." Because the campaign is only suspended, Joe Rohde's Earring could re-enter the race ... Read more
I'll never let go, Jack. Er, I mean Mickey. Photo [CC0] via Pxfuel & clipart-library.

Disney Magic to be sunk, turned into artificial reef

Why don't they ever sink ships to create natural reefs? PORT CANAVERAL, FL -- The Disney Magic is the latest victim of the Covid-19 shutdown. Disney Cruise Line announced today that the Magic, the first cruise ship in the Disney fleet, will be sunk and turned into an artificial reef. With the high cost of maintaining the ship during the cruise industry shutdown, the write-off will help boost Disney's bottom line. I own a share of Disney. Why don't I get these calls? Robert "Bob" Chapek, CEO, and ... Read more
New official campaign photo of Joe Rohde’s Earring, courtesy Joe Rohde’s Earring for President 2020. Photo by alchetron.com [CC BY-SA 3.0].

Joe Rohde’s Earring exposed to Covid-19, in quarantine

The Earring has to keep six feet away from Joe Rohde. BURBANK, CA -- Joe Rohde's Earring may have been exposed to a person infected with the coronavirus. The famed Imagineer fashion accessory and presidential candidate is in quarantine, and must keep at least six feet from Joe Rohde. Fortunately, Rohde's earlobe can be stretched to seven feet, so he does not have to detach the earring. The Earring has canceled all campaign appearances for the foreseeable future. No explanation was given as ... Read more
Pictured (front, L-R) Mr. Mistoffelees, Munkustrap, Macavity, Skimbleshanks (back, L-R) Jennyanydots, Grizabella, Rum Tum Tugger. Photo [CC0] via Pxhere.

DisneyNature will make a live-action version of the Cats musical

No, not CGI, or humans in costumes. Actual cats. BR'ER BANK, CA -- DisneyNature, the division of Walt Disney Studios that makes those animal movies, has announced its next project: a live action remake of the Broadway musical Cats! Paul Baribault, president of DisneyNature, is excited about the project. He spoke to Uncle Walt's Insider by phone. Straight from the (lion?) king "This will be something we've never done before," Baribault says. What, make a movie someone will actually go see, we ask? "Well, that, yes," ... Read more