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Now no one will ever take us seriously. Photo [CC0] via Pxhere.

CORRECTION: Disneyland is NOT closing permanently

Oops. ANAHEIM, CA -- Never mind. Sorry. Were you looking forward to seeing orange groves there again? Let us know in the comments below! Need more Uncle Walt's in your life? Be sure to LIKE us on Facebook, FOLLOW us on Twitter, and tell everyone you know! Cover photo: Now no one will ever take us seriously. Photo [CC0] via Pxhere. Read more
The land will be converted back to orange groves, we're guessing. Photo [CC0] via Pxhere.

BREAKING NEWS: DISNEYLAND TO CLOSE PERMANENTLY

Not a surprise. No one's gone there for weeks. ANAHEIM, CA -- The news that we all feared has come. Contrary to the ramblings of those know-nothing "(Step)Moms" yesterday, officials at the Disney Company announced today that the Disneyland Resort will remain closed permanently. Although the reason has not been announced, we suspect the closure is because the park has become extremely unpopular. No official numbers are available, but some sources are report that NO ONE has visited Disneyland for almost two months! ... Read more
The new DiZOOMney logo.

Chapek: Disney attractions will convert to Zoom

It's only natural, since Disney bought Zoom. BR'ER BANK, CA -- Bob "Robert" Chapek, the once and future king deposed CEO, announced this morning that Disney parks will be very different when they reopen. "I've been playing around with Zoom a lot," Chapek tells Uncle Walt's Insider, "and it's pretty cool. Did you know you can do different backgrounds and stuff?" Chapek plans to integrate the technology into Disney theme parks. Wishing, and hoping, and thinking, and praying, planning, and dreaming "I've had a lot of ... Read more
A medical team models the donated Mickey ear masks. Photo [CC0] via Pxhere.

Disney donates 600K repurposed Mickey Ear hats as medical masks

They're slow in getting to providers, though. Custom name embroidery takes time. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Like so many businesses during this crisis, The Mad Hatter hat store at the Disneyland Theme Park and Spa is using its special skills to respond to the medical emergency. They are the staging ground for approximately 600,000 mouse-ear hats being donated to hospitals as medical masks. Great ideas from the (former) top "It was my plan from the start," said deposed CEO Bob "Robert" Chapek. "I thought ... Read more
Disney Fabulous Five - Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Goofy, and Pluto - dressed as their new theming requires, in pinstripe suits for the transition from the Mickey Mouse Club to the Mickey Mouse Mafia. Goofy has a Tommy gun

Mickey Mouse Club rethemed to Mickey Mouse Mafia

Controversial changes to the Fab Five and the Mickey Mouse Club. BURBANK, CA -- The Roaring 20s are back, after almost a century. With pandemics, division, and cynicism all around, darker approaches to storytelling are all the rage. Even popular, positive characters are being given gritty reboots. (See, for example, the recent Batman and Superman movies, and the upcoming Revenge of Mary Poppins.) It stands to reason that the executives at Disney are exploring some new theming options for its main characters. With the ... Read more