Disney's hyperexpensive hyperspace hotel shuts down! Who could have seen that coming?
WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL - It was a bold vision, even for Disney: create a Star Wars multiday experience so real, so immersive, that nerds worldwide would empty their bank accounts, drain their 401K's, and decide their kids didn't really need to go to college after all. It was Disney's Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser, a landlocked Florida hotel themed as an instellar cruise ship, complete with cruise ship prices.
And just ...
Thankfully, no one on the terrorist watchlist has been apprehended. Yet.
WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Officials at Walt Disney World's E.P.C.O.T. Center are reporting a significant increase in the number of people crossing between the park's Mexico and Norway pavilions. The increase comes just after Title 42 border crossing restrictions expired last week.
"We're fairly sure Title 42 is to blame," says Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation). "Or it could just be that summer is near and schools are ...
The "true guardians of the Magic Kingdom" await revolution in Florida.
HAVANA, CUBA -- Just when we thought Disney news couldn't get any stranger... it has been revealed that the former Reedy Creek Improvement District board, which governed the Walt Disney World Resort in Florida for over four decades, has established a "government in exile" in Cuba.
Sources close to the matter report that the board members fled to Cuba after losing control of the district in their spat with the State of Florida. ...
Are they conceding defeat, or punishing DeSantis???
LAKE BUENA VISTA, FL -- In a surprise move in the ongoing battle between the State of Florida and the Disney Company, Walt Disney World has shut its doors - apparently for good!
The four theme parks and two water parks did not open today. Guests staying at Disney resorts have been told that they are welcome to complete their hotel stay, but they are only being offered Disneyland tickets in exchange for any remaining days ...
We told you not to bring nuclear launch codes to the Magic Kingdom!
USS TENNESSEE, ATLANTIC OCEAN-- In a shocking turn of events, a nuclear missile was accidentally launched from the USS Tennessee in the Atlantic Ocean yesterday. The apparent culprit? None other than the Joe Biden audio-animatronic at Walt Disney World's Hall of Presidents.
The animatronic Biden and former presidents had recently been upgraded to connect to the AI system ChatGPT.
"We thought that adding ChatGPT would make the Hall of Presidents more lifelike ...