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What Walt Disney World used to look like at Christmas time. Stock photo from DepositPhotos.

Walt Disney World cancels Christmas

He took all their presents, their ribbons, their wrappings, Their snoof and their fuzzles, their tringlers and trappings! WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- For decades, Disney has embraced the holidays, overloading their parks with festive garlands, lights, music, and shows. There were few places in the world that celebrated the season like Walt Disney World. But not this year. In yet another indicator that 2020 really sucks, [Ed.: Are professional journalists allowed to say "sucks" now?] [Marty: Forget professional journalists. How about us?] park officials announced ... Read more
The entrance arch to the newly-renamed "Orlando Magic Kingdom." Photo by Ivan Curra [CC BY-SA-3.0] via Wikimedia.

Disney adds corporate sponsor for the renamed “Orlando Magic Kingdom”

Nothing like a sponsor to make up for lost profits. AMWAY CENTER, FL -- Amid financial losses and decreased attendance, The Walt Disney Company has turned to corporate sponsorship to make up some of the shortfall. Corporate sponsorship, of course, is nothing new to Disney. However, for the first time ever, an entire park will be sponsored. Disney has announced that Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom will now be known as "The Orlando Magic Kingdom." Something about Basketball Uncle Walt's Insider was [Ed.: the ... Read more
Alphonso Ribeiro statue at Disney's Ribeiro Resort. Photo by Summer Hull/The Points Guy, modified slightly.

Rumors fly about “Disney’s Ribeiro Resort”

It's not unusual to be loved by anyone. But it is unusual for our articles. UNCLE WALT'S H.Q., SVALBARD -- We recently received a cryptic email from an anonymous [Ed.: Hi Bob!] source, deep within the Walt Disney Company. The source wrote simply, "You should write an article about Disney's Ribeiro Resort." That was it. The entire email. Not really a lot to go on, but hey, we're award-winning journalists. We can uncover the rest of the story ourselves. We were able ... Read more
New signage for the Express Sidewalk to the Magic Kingdom. Photo by M. Minderhoud [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia.

Walt Disney World replacing Monorails with “elevated sidewalks”

No handrails planned for now; Disney plans to "wait and see if they're needed." WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- It's no secret that the Walt Disney World Monorail system is in dire need of an upgrade. However, with the Covid-19 closures, Disney's ability to spend money on projects has greatly declined. Many projects have been delayed or modified to match projected budgets. One such project is the replacement of the Monorail fleet. Popular but pricey The Monorail transportation system, while popular, is expensive for ... Read more
Using a telephoto lens, a shy baby Simba One can just be glimpsed behind its mother. Photo by Michael Lowin [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia.

Disney’s Animal Kingdom welcomes newborn Safari Truck!

It will be months before handlers can get close enough to determine the gender. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Disney's Animal Kingdom Theme Park and Spa has announced an addition to the Kilimanjaro Safari ride -- a newborn Safari Truck! Disney (the company) spokeswoman Jun Disney (no relation) is "very excited": "The Safari Truck breeding program has been around since the park opened," Disney (no relation) explained, "but until this month Disney (the company) has been unsuccessful at breeding a new baby truck." What's ... Read more