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Colin Kaepernick, looking quite at home at Disneyland. Photo by Melissa Hillier [CC BY-2.0] via Wikimedia.

Kaepernick’s Disney deal: millions per year to sit on benches

The former NFL player will rotate between Disney's U.S. theme parks and spend time on several benches in each one. BURBANK, CA -- Details have emerged about Colin Kaepernick's new contract with The Disney Company. Apparently the activist and shoe salesman is being paid millions of dollars to sit on benches at various Disney theme parks. Uncle Walt's Insider spoke to Kaepernick's agent, who told us, "It's not big thing for him. He's used to getting paid to sit. This job is definitely ... Read more
The Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution is on the warpath. Wait, can we say 'warpath'? Photo Public Domain.

Walt Disney canceled? Name to be removed from parks and movies worldwide

We kind of figured this would have to happen eventually. BURBANK, CA -- Officials at the Company announced today that they are erasing 's name from films, theme parks, and products world-wide. (the company) spokesperson Jun (no relation) shared the reasoning. " was a backwards thinker. And he had a major part in creating things that can never see the light of day again, including Song of the South, Nazi-loving Donald Duck, and cream cheese-filled pretzels. Because of this, ... Read more
Poster for "Hamilton Live! Featuring the Muppets." Image © 2020 Disney (perhaps modified. A bit).

Hall of Presidents to be replaced with “Hamilton Live! Featuring the Muppets”!

It combines two things everyone loves: Lin-Manuel Miranda, and Miss Piggy as Angelica (and maybe Eliza, too). BAY LAKE, FL -- The Walt Disney Company has announced yet another major change coming to the Magic Kingdom, this time in Liberty Square. The venerable Hall of Presidents is scheduled to be replaced with a puppet show about a Secretary of the Treasury. That's right. The Hall of Presidents is being replaced by Hamilton, as portrayed by the Muppets. Something about Corporate Synergy Josh D'Amaro, Chairman ... Read more
Vandals paint Cinderella Castle a hideous pink color. Photo by Laughing Place via Twitter.

Cinderella Castle vandalized, painted pink

Just one more thing to clean up after the Main Street Autonomous Zone. MAGIC KINGDOM, FL -- Disney officials are scrambling after discovering Cinderella Castle was painted pink at some point during the shutdown. Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) spoke with our reporter. "Since we've all been working at home, including our maintenance teams, no one has been seen the castle since March!" Prep for reopening Disney (no relation) continued, "The Bobs told the parks they should probably get ready for ... Read more
The old Splash Mountain sign. Photo by Michael Gray [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.

Splash Mountain renamed; more changes coming (Rapunzel ride???)

Karen's not just one of the original Mousekeeters! WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Shortly after announcing that Splash Mountain would be re-themed, Disney let Uncle Walt's Insider know of several other changes coming to the Magic Kingdom. We've summarized the key changes below. The Mountain formerly known as Splash As already announced, Splash Mountain will be themed to The Princess and the Frog. Not previously announced, until we announced it right now, the ride will also be re-named -- but not to "Flash Mountain." ... Read more