Florida Archives | Page 10 of 93 |
Ghost town? I think not. It doesn't even have real ghosts, like the Haunted Mansion, or Turtle Talk with Crush. Photo by Uncle Walt, used without permission.

“Open” Disney Springs a ghost town; no one is there

Serious. Like, nobody. Cast members, shoppers, looters. We weren't even there. DISNEY SPRINGS, FL -- Disney Springs announced their reopening in May, and the Internet nearly shutdown in excitement. Most assumed that the Walt Disney World shopping district (so called because you can't buy stuff anywhere else on WDW property) would be packed. Well, May 20th has come and gone, and despite initial reports from fake news sites (such as WDWNTT), no one is actually going to Disney Springs. It is empty. There ... Read more
Non-socially distanced villains at Walt Disney World. Photo by Leigh Caldwell [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.

Confirmed: Disney villains will not wear masks

Why? Because they're "eeeevil." WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- When Walt Disney World fully reopens in July of 2025, a number of virus-prevention requirements will be in place. But not for everyone. Disney villains will not be required to wear masks, or practice social distancing. Realism "Our goal, as always, is realistic storytelling," explains Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation). "When we saw all of the health officials telling everyone to wear a mask for the well-being of others, we thought, huh... What if ... Read more
I'll never let go, Jack. Er, I mean Mickey. Photo [CC0] via Pxfuel & clipart-library.

Disney Magic to be sunk, turned into artificial reef

Why don't they ever sink ships to create natural reefs? PORT CANAVERAL, FL -- The Disney Magic is the latest victim of the Covid-19 shutdown. Disney Cruise Line announced today that the Magic, the first cruise ship in the Disney fleet, will be sunk and turned into an artificial reef. With the high cost of maintaining the ship during the cruise industry shutdown, the write-off will help boost Disney's bottom line. I own a share of Disney. Why don't I get these calls? Robert "Bob" Chapek, CEO, and ... Read more
UWI (Step)Moms Panel

(Step)Moms Panel: WDW without Fastpasses or dining reservations?

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: So now we know when Walt Disney World is reopening. But I also understand that all Fastpasses and dining reservations have been cancelled. How's it all going to work now?" - Sandra P., Bangalore, India Harriet: Just don't go to Walt ... Read more
What exactly are the mask's ear loops holding on to? Photo by Kjaergaard [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia.

SeaWorld Orlando reopens June 11, won’t sell off their animals after all

What exactly are Shamu's mask's ear loops holding on to?  ORLANDO, FL -- Looks like SeaWorld's animals will get to swim around some more. Our taste buds' loss is their gain. Interim SeaWorld CEO Marc Swanson (of Swanson TV dinners fame) presented their plans to the May 27th Orange County Economic Recovery Task Force (M27OCERTF, as all the kids call it). SeaWorld has canceled the sale of their animals to the Gorton's Fisherman and will re-open the parks. The plan is very ... Read more