Sure, you’re sick, but that doesn’t mean you should cancel your vacation! (Or does it?)
Much of the world is realizing that the pandemic is effectively over, and we’re entering into the endemic phase of COVID where we “just live with it.” (Note: this doesn’t apply to Texas, Florida, or an handful of other states that have been getting on with their lives for months now.) This means that, eventually, you may find yourself testing positive for Covid when you’re about to set out for a theme park. [Ed.: Does “Covid” just start with a capital C, or is it all caps, or all lowercase? Or does it not matter, like “EPCOT”?]
But does being Covid-positive mean you have to stay home? Not if you follow our (bad) advice! Here’s how you can have your Covid and Mickey, too:
Be sure to wear a mask at all times.
The past two years have shown that they are just as effective as the rest of these tips!
About to sneeze? Take a drink of hand sanitizer.
Then you’ll be spraying healthiness.
Try to refrain from licking any Cast Members.
Actually, this is always good advice. You don’t know where they’ve been.
Fill in all available space and keep up with the party in front of you.
Viruses hate tight spaces.
If you do sneeze directly into someone’s face, splattering them with heavy droplets of virally-loaded mucus, be sure to say “Sorry.”
Politeness goes a long way towards helping someone accept that you’ve just infected them.
Other guests around you being rude or obnoxious? Try to only cough on them.
In other words, pick your targets, rather than spreading the virus all willy-nilly.
Wear sackcloth and ashes, ring a large bell, and shout “Unclean!” every ten steps.
People might not avoid you because of COVID, but they’ll avoid you because they’re just not sure if they’re safe around you.
The Tomorrowland Transit Authority is a great place to make out with someone you love, or for added adventure, someone you’ve never met before.
On second thought, don’t make out on the TTA. It has way too many cameras. But Universe of Energy only has two cameras in the whole ride!
Follow the advice that Harriet gives in every (Step)Mom’s article: just don’t go to Walt Disney World.
But really, she just says it because she doesn’t like crowds. We’re not sure if she cares about viruses.
If you don’t go to Disney, spend some time at Universal Orlando instead.
They just dropped their mask requirement almost entirely.
If you wear a mask, just use the same one over and over again. Don’t bother washing it, getting a new one, etc..
The more moisture and dust it has, the more diseases like Covid-19 and leprosy stick to it. It’s science!
Finally, eat a churro.
They cure everything!
Walt, Ub, X & Marty all contributed to this article, so we have plausible deniability about any particular item.
Are you letting a little thing like a virus keep you at home? Let us know in the comments below!