The Uncle Walt’s Insider step-planDisney (Step)Moms answer your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]
“Dear step-planDisney (Step)Moms: I see the new TRON roller coaster at Magic Kingdom is making progress. Will it be different at all from the original ride at Shanghai Disneyland?” – Tamara Keys, Tacoma WA
Marty:
Hi, Alicia! Thanks for writing. Love your music.
The Shanghai Disneyland TRON coaster is actually not the original. The original one was built for Disneyland Pyongyang, but it was a disaster. The motorcycle trains kept returning without their riders, so it was shut down and sealed off from the remainder of the park. Now the only riders are North Korean dissidents being forced to ride, and it’s all very hush-hush.
Anyway, we’re sure the Florida version will probably be better than that one! Maybe.
Walt:
Hi Tom, thanks for asking.
The rides will be very different: all of the signage will be in English, the Cast Members will speak in English, and any ride spiel will be in English. The only thing that will be the same is the merchandise in the gift shop. It too will be made in China.
Thanks for writing in, try the veal egg rolls and remember to tip your waitress.
Harriet:
Just don’t go to Walt Disney World. There are already too many people there without you.
Ub:
Hello, Tacoma. Thank you for your question.
The last time I visited Washington, I really couldn’t tell the difference between Seattle and the area around where the Beijing Winter Olympics games are happening. What a beautiful ski jump, right next to several nuclear reactor stacks. Seattle used to be so nice, but now it’s just tent city.
Last time I was visiting the parks, I noticed a vehicle in Cast parking with Florida plates and a bumper sticker that said, “I miss Washington.” So I slashed the tires and a couple of windows, and threw some used drug needles into their car. When they got back, I’ll bet it felt like home.
Did you notice that Oregon and California are lifting the mask mandates? Yeah, your governor, who hasn’t come up with a date yet, is a little bit slow on the uptake. And by a little bit slow on the uptake, what I REALLY mean to say is this: Have you seen him in a press conference? There’s a reason he was the first Democrat candidate laughed off the stage in the 2020 election season. He even managed to beat Kamala Harris!
Still Ub:
Seriously, y’all need a new governor. I’m so glad I live here in Svalbard where I’m required to carry a gun and not allowed to allow myself to be mauled by a polar bear or power-intoxicated Jay Inslee. I mean governor.
Unfortunately, as they move the TRON ride from Shanghai to Michigan, the pieces must come by ship through the port in Longview, Washington, where again, Jay Inslee is governor, and there’s no guarantee that he’ll allow the pieces to be let off the boat. There’s always the option of taking it to Lewiston, Idaho instead, but that adds several days on the Columbia, and some of the parts may or may not fit through the Bonneville Dam locks. Clearly, it would have been faster and easier, but Bob “Bob” Chapek insists on using the one that already exists in order to save money, even though transporting it costs more than making a new one.
Still still Ub:
As they move the TRON ride over to Florida, they will be making a few key changes. For instance, the motorcycles will be replaced with Skyliner gondolas, except that these ride vehicles will be supported from below in the hopes that they suffer fewer breakdowns.
I hope all of the information I’ve given you helps you to make the decision to move away from Washington state.
X:
Ub, I’ve gotta say. What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on this internet is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
I’m sorry, I was showing off my knowledge of Adam Sandler movie quotes. Where were we? Tron? Yeah, the sequel was awful. Stick to the original.
Ub:
X, you quote Adam Sandler? Inconceivable!
I challenge you to a duel!
X:
Ub, by Grabthar’s hammer, by the sons of Warvan, you will be avenged!
Oh .. wait … You’re still with us. I guess we don’t need to avenge you after all.
Grogu:
Walt:
Exactly!
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