![Queen Elizabeth. [Walt: It's supposed to be a picture of the actual Queen Elizabeth II, not a ship.] [Marty: Then you should have provided context. You can't expect me to actually read the article.] [Walt: You literally wrote it!]. Public Domain.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/queen-elizabeth-ii-passes-away-768x403.jpg)
Pictured: Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. UNCLE WALT’S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD — Brits and anglophiles worldwide are mourning the passing of the United Kingdom’s Queen Elizabeth II. Uncle Walt’s Insider has learned that Disney parks worldwide will be closing down their respective U.K. Pavilions for a period of mourning, including the ones at Florida’s EPCOT…
![Oh, yeah. There's also a giant mask on Cinderella Castle. Photo by Michael Gray [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/cinderella-castle-covid-protection1-768x403.jpg)
Wait, what did they put on Main Street USA??? WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — In stunning news, exclusive to Uncle Walt’s Insider [Ed.: Actually, most of the articles we make up are exclusive to us], Walt Disney World has shut down entirely due to an outbreak of monkeypox. Details are sketchy at the moment, so…
Walt: “Hey, Marty, can you make a cover image for a story on Bob Chapek replacing Jesus without being too blasphemous?” Marty: “Can I finally get paid for doing this?” Walt: “Ha ha ha ha ha! No.” ORLANDO, FL– Disney has announced exciting plans to acquire and reopen the Holy Land Experience theme park! In an…
Pictured: artist’s concept of the pirate-…ing. BATUU, OUTER RIM — Guests aboard the Halcyon starcruiser had a frightening experience recently in the Outer Rim Territories. A group of pirates, believed to be hiding out at Black Spire Outpost, boarded the starcruiser with blasters drawn and threatening guests and crew. The Halcyon, a Corellian MPO-1400 model…
Just in case the gondolas get stranded again. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — It’s been a while since Disney’s Skyliner gondola system crashed and left hundreds of riders stranded in the air for hours. But that doesn’t mean that the Mouse isn’t ready for the next time it happens! When the Skyliner first malfunctioned in…