Uncle Walt's Insider | Your Super-Reliable Source for Theme Park News
Now no one will ever take us seriously. Photo [CC0] via Pxhere.

BREAKING NEWS: UNCLE WALT’S INSIDER TO CLOSE PERMANENTLY

Not a surprise. No one's gone there for weeks. ANAHEIM, CA -- The news that we all feared has come. Contrary to the ramblings of those know-nothing "(Step)Moms" yesterday, officials at the Uncle Walt's Insider Company announced today that the Uncle Walt's Insider will remain closed permanently. Although the reason has not been announced, we suspect the closure is because Uncle Walt's Insider has become extremely unpopular. No official numbers are available, but some sources are report that NO ONE has visited Uncle ... Read more
UWI Step Moms Panel

(Step)Moms Panel: Best activities while waiting for the parks to reopen

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step) Moms: I'm bored at home. Do you have a favorite activity you do to pass the time while waiting for theme parks to reopen?" - Kelly P., Baton Rouge LA Harriet: Just don't go to Walt Disney World. There are enough ... Read more
Uncle Walt's Insider Week in Review

Uncle Walt’s Insider Week in Review for May 24

Here's what you missed while doing something much less important!  Appearing this past week on Uncle Walt's Insider: Monday (STEP) MOMS PANEL: DISNEYLAND IS NOT CLOSING PERMANENTLY! - Okay, this panic is getting out of hand. The (Step)Moms step in (get it?) with calm, reasoned facts. Tuesday BREAKING NEWS: DISNEYLAND TO CLOSE PERMANENTLY - Before you ask, of course it's true. Would we ever mislead you about anything? Wednesday CORRECTION: DISNEYLAND IS NOT CLOSING PERMANENTLY - We're not called "Magical Fake News" for nothing. Learn a lesson from ... Read more
If you see any viruses there, report them to the nearest Cast Member. Photo by Thomas photography [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikimedia.

More lessons from visiting reopened Disney Springs

More advice for inserting yourself among other diseased Disney guests DISNEY SPRINGS, FL -- In part one of our unexpectedly two-part series (we're really hurting for material with the theme parks closed), we gave some advice on what to expect when visiting Disney Springs in the wake of the coronavirus. Yes, we took on the danger for you, our readers. We walked around for literally minutes and even saw a couple of other masked people from a distance! You'll be happy to ... Read more
If you see any viruses there, report them to the nearest Cast Member. Photo by Thomas photography [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikimedia.

Disney Springs reopens! What you need to know

Practical advice for inserting yourself among other diseased Disney guests DISNEY SPRINGS, FL -- Disney Springs has reopened, without much coverage and fanfare. A few guests popped in to see if there were any sales, and to enjoy a churro. Many folks seem to be hesitant, though, waiting to see what happens after the reopening. (In other words, do the few who visit go home and immediate die a screaming death in agony?) Well, Uncle Walt's Insider is here to provide answers! We've ... Read more