Electrical lines soon to carry Walt-generated power! Photo [CC0] via Picryl.com.

Problem solved: all California to be powered by Walt Disney spinning in his grave

Tattoos? Piercings? Guys wearing nail polish? Whirr, whirr, whirr, whirr, whirrrrrr... ANAHEIM, CA -- No more blackouts for the California power grid -- the problem of an insufficient electrical supply has been solved, perhaps permanently! "Our Imagineers -- smart people -- they've theorized this was possible for quite a while," said Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation). "Just hook up a generator in the vault where we have Walt Disney's frozen body, get it spinning fast enough, and boom, plenty of ...
April 20, 2021 by Marty in California
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A rare photo of the sentient Speedway cars, taken just before the ride closed. Photo by Theme Park Tourist [CC BY 2.0] via Wikimedia Commons, modified.

Self-driving Tesla cars coming to Autopia and Tomorrowland Speedway

Could you program in a different destination? GLENDALE, CA -- Are the cars in Disneyland's Autopia and the Magic Kingdom's Tomorrowland Speedway being replaced with self-driving Teslas? That what some are saying, including our own headline. An anonymous Disney insider who recently left the company [Ed.: Hi, Joe!] has leaked a document detailing a new relationship between Elon Musk's Tesla and Disney. The document provides for attraction sponsorship by Tesla, a sponsorship that will bring self-driving, all-electric cars to Disneyland's Autopia and the ...
April 17, 2021 by Walt in California, Florida
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It would be more crowded with you. Photo by Joe Penniston [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0] via Flickr.

How to avoid crowds at Walt Disney World!

Our insiders know all the tips and tricks to help you avoid large crowds when visiting Mickey! WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Don't go. [Ed.: Okay, who let Harriet write an article?] Do you have any other tricks for avoiding crowds? Comment below! Need more Uncle Walt's in your life? Be sure to LIKE us on Facebook, FOLLOW us on Twitter, and tell everyone you know! Cover photo: It would be more crowded with you. Photo by Joe Penniston [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0] via Flickr.
April 14, 2021 by Harriet in Florida
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A very obviously non-mask-wearing Trader Sam. Photo by Steven Miller [CC BY 2.0] via Flickr.

Trader Sam kicked out of Jungle Cruise for not wearing a mask

Next they'll come for the non-mask wearing animals. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- When the Walt Disney World Resort and Spa re-opened last year, Disney required guests and Cast Members to wear masks 100% of the time while on WDW property. The mandate included mask-wearing while walking, running, standing, eating, drinking, sleeping, swimming, bathing, showering, and enjoying the resort's rides, shows, and other entertainment options. Despite this mandate, one man openly defied the policy for months without consequence. Well, not any more. Trader ...
April 11, 2021 by Walt in Florida
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UWI (Step)Moms Panel

(Step)Moms Panel: I came to the UWI Meetup — where were you???

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: Did I miss something? You said that you'd be meeting your readers at Disneyland last Saturday. I was in the Plaza at 8:00 sharp and waited around for an hour, but never saw you. What gives?" - Jillian Bannister, ...
April 8, 2021 by Marty in (Step) Moms Panel
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