Page 4 – Uncle Walt's Insider
No one at Disneyl... Hang on, we publish this at 6 am Pacific Time, well before the park opens. And why would there be sunlight? Photo via Twitter.

Disneyland reopens, no one comes

Our reporter is on the scene! But so far, no one else. DISNEYLAND, CA -- Disneyland has reopened, but apparently no one cares. Your reporter has been on the scene in the Disneyland Plaza for a few hours, but apart from a handful of people meandering towards Downtown Disney, I'm it. I really expected happy, smiling (well, maybe smiling; they'd have masks on) throngs of families lining up to be the first in to a newly-reopened Disneyland. But not only are there no ... Read more
Epcot's Iran Pavilion, pictured before tomorrow's air strike. Photo by Alen Ištoković [CC BY 3.0] via Wikimedia Commons.

Epcot’s Iran Pavilion suffers blackout, Israel Pavilion blamed

This is the worst international incident at Epcot since the maps calling Canada "America's Hat." WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Tensions are high in EPCOT Center's World Showcase, as one pavilion is accusing another of sabotage and breaching its sovereign territory. The Epcot Iran Pavilion suffered a power outage for several hours yesterday afternoon. The outage affected the pavilion's restaurants, mosque, and nuclear weapons laboratory. A spokesperson for the pavilion cast the blame on the nearby Israel Pavilion, opened by President Trump in ... Read more
Sex reassignment surgery comes to Disney. It probably won't be the last. Photos via Resetera.com.

Morocco Pavilion undergoes sex change, now identifies as “Moroccette”

Will other Pavilions do the same? We're looking at you, France. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Goodbye, Morocco. Hello, Morrocette? Disney officials announced today that the Morocco Pavilion at the EPCOT Theme Park, Resort, Spa & Institute for Gender Studies has undergone gender reassignment surgery. The land in the World Showcase portion of the park will now identify as the "Moroccette" Pavilion. After the pavilion's, er, gender-specific area was surgically altered, as seen in the photos above, the number of guests wanting to ... Read more
Electrical lines soon to carry Walt-generated power! Photo [CC0] via Picryl.com.

Problem solved: all California to be powered by Walt Disney spinning in his grave

Tattoos? Piercings? Guys wearing nail polish? Whirr, whirr, whirr, whirr, whirrrrrr... ANAHEIM, CA -- No more blackouts for the California power grid -- the problem of an insufficient electrical supply has been solved, perhaps permanently! "Our Imagineers -- smart people -- they've theorized this was possible for quite a while," said Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation). "Just hook up a generator in the vault where we have Walt Disney's frozen body, get it spinning fast enough, and boom, plenty of ... Read more
A rare photo of the sentient Speedway cars, taken just before the ride closed. Photo by Theme Park Tourist [CC BY 2.0] via Wikimedia Commons, modified.

Self-driving Tesla cars coming to Autopia and Tomorrowland Speedway

Could you program in a different destination? GLENDALE, CA -- Are the cars in Disneyland's Autopia and the Magic Kingdom's Tomorrowland Speedway being replaced with self-driving Teslas? That what some are saying, including our own headline. An anonymous Disney insider who recently left the company [Ed.: Hi, Joe!] has leaked a document detailing a new relationship between Elon Musk's Tesla and Disney. The document provides for attraction sponsorship by Tesla, a sponsorship that will bring self-driving, all-electric cars to Disneyland's Autopia and the ... Read more