Page 20 – Uncle Walt's Insider
UWI (Step)Moms Panel

(Step)Moms Panel: I live in Splash Mountain. How do I get some peace and quiet?

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: I live in Splash Mountain and I'm tired of hearing these boats with kids go throughout my home. How can I stop Splashing (sic) Mountain so I can finally get some peace and quiet." - "Sharon from Splash Mountain" ... Read more
Joe can relax, but the earring will still be hard at work. Photo by alchetron.com [CC BY-SA 3.0].

Joe Rohde retires; Joe Rohde’s Earring to continue working

We suspect it was the source of all of the good ideas anyway. GLENDALE CA -- Good news from Disney Imagineering headquarters! Although legendary Imagineer Joe Rohde will be retiring effective January 4 of next year, his famed earring will continue working for the foreseeable future. The earring, which unsuccessfully ran for president earlier this year (and which may be an alien), made the announcement on its official Twitter account. No announcement has been made as to how the earring intends to get to ... Read more
A future Disneyland guest. Photo © Lucasfilm.

Newsom: Disneyland can reopen if guests are frozen in carbonite for at least 14 days

The Science® says the virus won't survive the freezing process. Probably. Maybe. SACRADEMENTO, CA -- Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-Hypocrite) issued new guidelines for theme park reopening in California today. Disneyland can reopen to any guests who have been frozen in carbonite for at least 14 days. Admission preference will be given to anyone frozen since 2018 or earlier. Disney has begun signups on its park website for the freezing process, and is free to Platinum Annual Passholders and members of Club 33. Are you ... Read more
Images from Epcot's upcoming (so to speak) Festival of Fertility. Inset photo by Uncle Walt (who hasn't learned that our header images are in landscape mode), used without permission, and ©2020 Google / Street View.

EPCOT Centre’s Festival of Fertility debuts on February 14th

This is Disney! There's no  at Disney! E.P.C.O.T. C.E.N.T.R.E. -- Even though the Festival of THE Holiday [X: HEY!] is only a week into its annual run, Disney is already starting to talk about the next Festival coming to Epcot: the Festival of Fertility! Our own Uncle Walt stumbled across prep for this brand new Festival, so we reached out to Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) regarding his find. The conversation went like this: What festival is this, he asked ... Read more
Of all the color-coded maps of the United States, this is definitely the most recent! Image by Marty, used (inexplicably) without permission.

INSIDER EXCLUSIVE: What this map of United States reveals is shocking

All the other websites have maps. Why not us? UNCLE WALT'S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD -- In what can only be described as "shocking" (it's right there in the headline, see?), a new map of the United States of America provides amazing insight into our current condition. Uncle Walt's Insider is the only place you will see this information, at least until Snopes tries to fact-check us again. "As you can see, there are many different colors on the map," said Marty Ralks, creator ... Read more