Page 20 – Uncle Walt's Insider
Little-Known Facts about Lightning Lanes

Top 10 little-known facts about Lightning Lanes!

Our little-known facts series continues (in spite of underwhelming demand)! Fastpass, Fastpass+, MaxPass, MaxiPass, and extra-absorbent MaxiPass are all no more (except, of course, at the Disney Yesterland Theme Park and Spa). They've been replaced by something called Genie+ and "Lightning Lanes." But do you know everything there is to know about Lightning Lanes? Of course you don't. They're brand new. But we at Uncle Walt's Insider know everything about them, or at least as much as we know about anything. So read on ... Read more
This isn't another death that happened a long time ago that we should have known about, is it? Photo © Disney.

Wicked Wench sinks, Captain Barbossa feared dead

Funny, we're pretty sure we've witnessed this battle scene while floating by in a tiny boat. DISNEYLAND RESORT, CA -- For years and years, Captain Barbossa has waged war against the small village of Puerto Dorado on Isla Tesoro, as witnessed by hundreds of thousands of guests floating by the battle scene in tiny boats. Barbossa was attacking because the village refused to produce Captain Jack Sparrow. Of course, everyone knows Captain Jack Sparrow is nowhere to be found in that attraction. The ... Read more
If he'd stuck around longer, he could have taken advantage of Magical Funerals® by Disney! Photo public domain, via Wikimedia.

BREAKING: Walt Disney has passed away at age 65

So that's why he hasn't been returning our calls. BURBANK, CA -- Uncle Walt's Insider has just learned that Walter Elias "Walt" Disney has passed away. He was 65 years old. Disney, who started with a mouse, built a multimedia empire of family entertainment that includes films, tv networks, theme parks, and many, many plush toys. He is also widely credited with the invention of the churro. The family will hold held a private internment ceremony at Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Glendale, California.  [Ed.: ... Read more
Artist's conception of Chapek arriving at the Uncle Walt's Insider Headquarters in Svalbard. Most of the photo and its various elements © Disney.

Bob Chapek applies to write for Uncle Walt’s Insider

Would you hire this man? UNCLE WALT'S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD -- An Uncle Walt's Insider staff member who would like to remain anonymous (Ub Skrewi) has revealed that Bob "Bob" Chapek, CEO of ABC/Disney, recently applied to write for Uncle Walt's Insider! "It was the most bizarre thing," said Skrewi. "I was working in the front office, and Bob 'Bob' Chapek walked in with an application to come to write for us. Which is especially weird, since we don't have any applications." [Ed.: And ... Read more
Hail Hydra Campus! Concept art © Disney © Marvel 2020, modified a wee bit.

Votes don’t lie: Avengers Campus to close, be replaced by Hydra Campus

We suspect the campus was already infiltrated. ANAHEIM, CA -- Uncle Walt's Insider has learned that the Avengers Campus at California Adventure will soon close and be rebranded as "Hydra Campus." While this may shock to those who enjoyed Avengers Campus, dismal feedback from a poll is behind the change. We reached out to Disney (the company) Spokesbabe Jun Disney (no relation) to find out more. More "We normally target these sort of marketing surveys," Disney (no relation) told us, "but in this day ... Read more