Page 40 – Uncle Walt's Insider
Just one of the scenes being removed from the Jungle Cruise. Photo by Gleilson Miranda/Secretaria de Comunicação do Estado do Acre, [CC BY 2.5 BR] via Wikimedia.

Actual indigenous tribe reacts to Jungle Cruise changes

And then they invited us to stay for dinner! MIDDLE OF THE JUNGLE -- As Disney fans react to the announcement from Disney about the upcoming changes to the beloved ride The Jungle Cruise, Uncle Walt's Insider reached out to a previously un-contacted tribe to get their reaction. Initially we were concerned when the men of the tribe approached us with bows and spears, but after Uncle Walt offered them churros, we think we were welcomed as part of the tribe. It appears ... Read more
A new, simple, Covid-19 prevention mask. Photo courtesy Texas A&M University, maybe.

Will this mask breakthrough allow Disneyland to reopen?

It's 100% effective at stopping the virus, and can be made with common household materials. COLLEGE STATION, TX -- This may be the break Disneyland officials have been waiting for! Researchers at the Texas A&M University Department of Biotechnology and Concrete Husbandry have announced a new masking solution that is 100% effective at preventing the spread of Covid-19. "It's so simple, we don't know why we didn't think of it before," says A&M (the college) spokesperson Jun Aggie (no relation). "We've been using ... Read more
UWI (Step)Moms Panel

(Step)Moms Panel: What are your favorite movies?

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: What are your favorite movies? Most Sincerely Yours," Elmo - Edina, MN Marty: Hi, Edina! We're honored that such a talented singer and actress is a fan of Uncle Walt's Insider! But please, do not sing Let It Go. You'll just ... Read more
President* Biden's animatronic in the Hall of President*s is already malfunctioning. Or is it? Photo by Kjersti Holmang [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikipedia.

Report: Biden animatronic figure already malfunctioning

It's only recently been installed, but it seems to have the same glitches as on the campaign trail. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- The Magic Kingdom Park's Hall of Presidents attraction is reportedly closed after the animatronic figure of President* Joe Biden began malfunctioning, less than ten days after it was installed. Reports from insiders say that the figure would randomly say things not in the script, like "salute the Marines" and "I don't know what I'm signing." And recently, the figure announced it ... Read more
Pretty much the same park, except for the added firepower. Photo lifted from Twitter: @fakethemepark.

Fake Theme Park possibly moving to Texas

Sure, the picture looks the same, but you can tell it's in Texas from all the concealed-carry bulges. TWITTER -- As predicted by absolutely nobody, Fake Theme Park has joined the growing list of entities that have announced they are moving to Texas. In a now-deleted tweet, the popular theme park announced that they would be relocating from their current home in **FILLER TEXT** [Ed.: Be sure to find out where they're located before we publish this!] to a swampy inlet not far from ... Read more