X, Author at Uncle Walt's Insider

Reasons why Uncle Walt’s Insider hasn’t published any new content lately

Did our writers go on strike, and Walt didn't even notice? UNCLE WALT'S H.Q., SVALBARD - Faithful readers to this site [Ed.: We have those?] may have noticed a lot of, well, nothing lately. No doubt, this caused you to think "Wait, does the site still exist?" Which would be a very valid question. The answer, dear reader, is, of course, Yes. We do still exist. We still churn out [Ed.: not-so] copious quantities of award-winning satire. So where have we been? Here's ...
March 25, 2024 by X in Spotlight
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The change will, of course, come with a price increase. Photo by Coolcaesar [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikimedia.

Disney hires Pepsi CFO; menu changes coming soon?

Will Disney replace the current overpriced sugar water with worse overpriced sugar water? BURBANK, CA -- In a recent corporate shuffle, the Walt Disney Company welcomed Hugh Johnston, the former CFO of PepsiCo, as their new Chief Financial Officer. While the financial world buzzes with this significant appointment, whispers suggest that there might be a subtle yet significant change brewing within Disney's iconic parks. The relationship between Disney and Coca-Cola has been as enduring as a timeless fairy tale, interwoven in the fabric ...
November 16, 2023 by X in Other
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Maybe they'll call it "Monstro's Whale Tail" for a while. Photo © Disney, Carnival Corp., maybe.

Is Disney tracking guests via “NSA” desserts?

The intelligence community is really into sugar-free cooking, apparently. CASTAWAY CAY, BAHAMAS -- Picture yourself aboard the magnificent Disney Fantasy cruise ship, where dreams come true, enchantment knows no bounds, and your bank account never recovers. Amidst the grandeur and wonder, an unexpected twist unfolds – you spy [Heh] a mysterious dessert labeled "NSA Apple Turnovers" in Cabana's buffet. What gives? While Disney insists that "NSA" stands for "No Sugar Added," rumors abound that this sweet dessert reveals a secret alliance with the ...
July 6, 2023 by X in World
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Wait, who was taking this picture? Photo by U.S. Indo-Pacific Command [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0] via Flickr; inset photo by Kjersti Holmang [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikipedia.

Accidental nuclear launch traced to Hall of Presidents

We told you not to bring nuclear launch codes to the Magic Kingdom! USS TENNESSEE, ATLANTIC OCEAN-- In a shocking turn of events, a nuclear missile was accidentally launched from the USS Tennessee in the Atlantic Ocean yesterday. The apparent culprit? None other than the Joe Biden audio-animatronic at Walt Disney World's Hall of Presidents. The animatronic Biden and former presidents had recently been upgraded to connect to the AI system ChatGPT. "We thought that adding ChatGPT would make the Hall of Presidents more lifelike ...
May 5, 2023 by X in Florida, World
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Iger’s Replacement: The Final Countdown

It's the ultimate battle for the top spot at Disney! DISNEYLAND, DEMOCRATIC PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF KALIFORNIA -- It's finally here! Earlier we reported that Disney would be looking at internal candidates to replace Bob Iger as the CEO. And then we announced that it had been narrowed down to two candidates. We can now report that, just before publication, we watched the live stream of the two final candidates. Rather than just tell you the outcome, as a service to you, here ...
April 14, 2023 by X in Spotlight
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