We review a Sith bakery in honor of Star Wars Day, May the Fourth. And because we’re Uncle Walt’s Insider, we do it a day late.
LAKE BUENA VISTA, FL — “Come to the dark side,” they said. “We have cookies.”
Now, I’m not sure who the mysterious ‘they’ is, but I had previously heard and ignored this invitation. After all, I figured the cookies would be something uninteresting. Something like Reduced Fat Chips Ahoy, or the iced sugar cookies that Realtors buy by the thousands to hand out at open houses. Or even worse, something that’s actively awful, like Brussel Sprout Newtons.
And then I visited Moff Gideon’s Bakehouse at Disney Springs.
Pretty decent cookies, for evil guys
For those who don’t know, Moff Gideon is one of the last surviving imperial leaders of the First Galactic Empire, following the events of Return of the Jedi. Gideon is primarily known for trying (and repeatedly failing) to capture the youngling formerly known as Baby Yoda and presently known as Grogu (who you already know is on our (Step)Mom’s Panel). During Moff Gideon’s free time, he has apparently opened a cookie shop at Disney Springs.
Let’s take a moment to talk about the cookies. These things are gigantic. Each one weighs in at nearly half a pound, and when placed on top of a US Dollar Bill, will cover nearly 2/3 of the bill.
But how’s their aim?
Although Moff Gideon was not present when I visited, his employees were the picture of what Imperial Shopkeepers should be. Efficient, well mannered, and well groomed. The line, in true Imperial fashion, was orderly and moved quickly.
After about 30 minutes in line, I reached the inside of the shop, and was soon called up to the counter to place an order. I ordered 4 cookies, plus a giant slice of cake. Here’s what I found
- Chocolate Chip – This was, despite all the hype, a fairly standard chocolate chip cookie. It had a little bit of salt sprinkled on it, which was actually the most noticeable flavour element. The cookie itself was neither chewy nor crunch, just a good basic cookie.
Peanut Butter Crunch – I’ll preface this by saying that I’m not normally a fan of peanut butter cookies. Most of them tend to be overly dry. This cookie was not dry. I’m actually not completely sure if it was a peanut butter cookie base, or if it was just covered in so many peanut butter chips that it tasted like it. Nevertheless, it was a fairly enjoyable cookie.
- Cookies & Cream – This was the most disappointing cookie in the bunch. It was so covered with crushed oreo bits that you couldn’t actually taste the cookie underneath it, and the whole thing just ended up tasting like a regular Oreo. Actually, maybe not even that good, since with the crushing, a lot of the creme filling is lost. I can get a whole package of Double Stuf Oreos for about $4, so paying Imperial prices for one Oreo, no matter how heavy, is not a good investment.
- Coffee Cake Cookie – This was actually my favorite cookie of the bunch. It had a lovely crumb topping on top, which added a slight bit of crunch (not too much), and enough cinnamon sugar to give it a really good taste, without tasting like a snickerdoodle (which tend to have too much cinnamon).
Suffice to say, these cookies made me reconsider my stance on joining the dark side. If these are the cookies that are served at dark side functions, joining the dark side actually might not be all bad.
[Ed.: Although we have seen no evidence that Moff Gideon is a Sith, he is able to wield the Dark Saber, which implies some level of force sensitivity.]
Do you know any good cookie recipes that don’t come from the dark side? Let us know in the comments below!
Cover photo: Disney, er, we mean, Uncle Walt’s Insider Food Blog. Totally original logo not at all influenced by DisneyFoodBlog.com (which we love, btw!).