We're really going to miss B.O.B.
BURBANK, CA -- A short paragraph hidden away in the Walt Disney Company Q3 2020 Earnings Report reveals that the company sold off the rights to unpopular characters to raise money to keep the company from folding. The list of characters is quite large, but notable characters are the 6th and 8th mop from Fantasia's The Sorcerer's Apprentice segment [Ed.: The performance by mop number 8 was abysmal], B.O.B. from The Black Hole, Condorman, Osh Popham from ...
No Timbits at Le Cellier, we're sad to report.
EPCOT, FL -- As Walt Disney World slowly re-opens, fans everywhere are starting to wonder about the status of the various plans previously announced for the Disney parks. As Disney looks closer at their updated financials, we are said to report that some favorite donut chains will not be appearing after all.
The Winchell's Donut House planned for the American Pavilion, the Tim Horton's planned for the Canada Pavilion, and the Mister Donut planned ...
This is something the people are clamoring for, right?
ANIMAL KINGDOM, FL -- Uncle Walt's Insider is pleased to bring you this exclusive announcement from Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation):
"Hey all you cool cats and kittens [Ed.: Shoot us now.], Jun Disney (the spokeswoman) [Ed.: no relation] from the Disney (the company) Company here to tell you all about a wild new sponsor coming to the Animal Kingdom Park at Walt Disney World Resort, Spa & Outlet Mall!
Next: "Big ...
In spite of what you think you saw onscreen, he had Covid in his blood at time of death.
BLACK SPIRE OUTPOST, BATUU -- A short statement released by the First Order confirms what many outlets have been reporting: Emperor Palpatine is dead from the coronavirus. The statement is below.
"The First Order sadly announces that our beloved Emperor Palpatine's passing was due to complications of Covid-19.
"While it is true he engaged in a glorious battle with a talentless young girl, only to ...
The President vowed to get right on this.
EPCOT, FL -- Walt Disney World guests, already reeling from so many changes, found a new disturbance at EPCOT's World Showcase. The America Pavilion's normal patriotic music, backed by the incredibly talented Voices of Liberty, has been replaced by the sounds of mariachi.
Tensions were already running high in World Showcase, what with the UK Pavilion pulling out, the invasion of the French Pavilion, and the protests after Applebee's took the riblets off the menu ...