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Ghost town? I think not. It doesn't even have real ghosts, like the Haunted Mansion, or Turtle Talk with Crush. Photo by Uncle Walt, used without permission.

“Open” Disney Springs a ghost town; no one is there

Serious. Like, nobody. Cast members, shoppers, looters. We weren't even there. DISNEY SPRINGS, FL -- Disney Springs announced their reopening in May, and the Internet nearly shutdown in excitement. Most assumed that the Walt Disney World shopping district (so called because you can't buy stuff anywhere else on WDW property) would be packed. Well, May 20th has come and gone, and despite initial reports from fake news sites (such as WDWNTT), no one is actually going to Disney Springs. It is empty. There ... Read more
I'll never let go, Jack. Er, I mean Mickey. Photo [CC0] via Pxfuel & clipart-library.

Disney Magic to be sunk, turned into artificial reef

Why don't they ever sink ships to create natural reefs? PORT CANAVERAL, FL -- The Disney Magic is the latest victim of the Covid-19 shutdown. Disney Cruise Line announced today that the Magic, the first cruise ship in the Disney fleet, will be sunk and turned into an artificial reef. With the high cost of maintaining the ship during the cruise industry shutdown, the write-off will help boost Disney's bottom line. I own a share of Disney. Why don't I get these calls? Robert "Bob" Chapek, CEO, and ... Read more
What exactly are the mask's ear loops holding on to? Photo by Kjaergaard [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia.

SeaWorld Orlando reopens June 11, won’t sell off their animals after all

What exactly are Shamu's mask's ear loops holding on to?  ORLANDO, FL -- Looks like SeaWorld's animals will get to swim around some more. Our taste buds' loss is their gain. Interim SeaWorld CEO Marc Swanson (of Swanson TV dinners fame) presented their plans to the May 27th Orange County Economic Recovery Task Force (M27OCERTF, as all the kids call it). SeaWorld has canceled the sale of their animals to the Gorton's Fisherman and will re-open the parks. The plan is very ... Read more
This will keep the Castle from being infected with guests. Photo by Michael Gray [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.

Walt Disney World reopens July 11th, 2025!

2025? Sounds like they're rushing into this. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Disney announced plans for the reopening of Walt Disney World at the May 27th Orange County Economic Recovery Task Force ("M27OCERTF"). A "phased reopening" of the parks will begin in just over five years! Jim McPhee (brother to Nanny McPhee), Senior Vice President of Operations for Walt Disney World, presented the plans. McPhee broke out into song --one written, of course, by Disney Legend Richard Sherman. It was a catchy number, ... Read more
If you see any viruses there, report them to the nearest Cast Member. Photo by Thomas photography [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikimedia.

Disney Springs reopens! What you need to know

Practical advice for inserting yourself among other diseased Disney guests DISNEY SPRINGS, FL -- Disney Springs has reopened, without much coverage and fanfare. A few guests popped in to see if there were any sales, and to enjoy a churro. Many folks seem to be hesitant, though, waiting to see what happens after the reopening. (In other words, do the few who visit go home and immediate die a screaming death in agony?) Well, Uncle Walt's Insider is here to provide answers! We've ... Read more