The fact that Disney will now get federal health care funds is "not another money grab," according to CEO Chapek.
BURBANK, CA -- In a recent call with investors, Bob "Bob" Chapek, CEO of the Disney Company, announced plans to relabel the Disney theme parks as health care facilities, primarily to be able to rake in federal health funds. The newly renamed "Disney Parks, Experiences, and Hospice Care" division will begin accepting Medicare/Medicaid payments within a few months.
Citing lower guest satisfaction, ...
We assume the deal includes the parks. City parks, that is.
CUPERTINO, CA -- In a recently leaked memo from CEO Tim "Bob" Cook, it appears that Apple, the first company to hit $3 Trillion in valuation, is poised to spend some of their stockpiled cash on acquiring Disney! Fans of Mickey Mouse dismayed by our misleading headline need not worry, however.
In the leaked memo, Cook allegedly says, "Disney, Oklahoma, has a low population, and our research has shown that it would ...
You put your Elon in, you take your Chapek out... Admit it, you started to sing that.
BURBANK, CA -- According to several unreliable news outlets, former Disney CEO Bob "Bob" Iger is set to take over for Bob "Bob" Chapek as CEO of the Disney company. These reports cite numerous complaints against Chapek, but mainly his overuse of the word "magical" [Ed.: Especially all those "magical" new fees for guests, right?]
Despite these hopeful rumors of a triumphant return of Bob "Bob" Iger ...
PICTURED: A capacity crowd enjoys the All-New Indiana Jones Covid-Safe "Spectacular."
DISNEY'S HOLLYWOOD STUDIOS, FL -- First the good news: Disney has announced that the Indiana Jones Stunt Spectacular will return on December 19th!
Now for the disappointing details.
The rest is bad news
Fans of this show will be disappointed (much like the fans of other Disney live entertainment) to learn that Disney's Covid distancing rules means the actors cannot come within 6 feet of each other. [Ed.: Uncle Walt's Insider will have an ...
Did he have a meeting with the Animatronic Pope?
MAGIC KINGDOM, FL -- The tens of guests flocking to the Hall of Presidents to actually see the presidents, and not escape the heat like the thousands typically do, will notice a change this week!
No, Animatronic President Trump has not re-positioned himself to the front again. The change is that Animatronic Joe Biden is sporting a brand new suit!
Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation, not Animatronic) filled us in on ...