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The elusive Disney social distancing sticker. Photo by Jukeboxprint.com, modified.

Disneyland delays reopening due to shortage of social distancing stickers

"Without these stickers strategically placed on the ground, how will guests know when they are at least 6 feet apart!?!?" ANAHEIM, CA -- Disney will delay the re-opening of Disneyland -- but only due to the lack of social distancing stickers. Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) stated, "We were all set to re-open Disneyland. We have stockpiled enough hand sanitizer to flood a small town (in addition to the walk-through vats), there are hand washing stations setup every 15 ... Read more
A barricade at the entrance to the Main Street U.S.A. Autonomous Zone, which they're claiming isn't in the U.S.A.? Photo courtesy disneyparks.com, mynorthwest.com, & kennythepirate.com.

Protester sets up Main Street U.S.A. Autonomous Zone at Magic Kingdom

This might be revenge for Mickey taking the CEO job away from him. MAGIC KINGDOM, FL -- As Disney readies the parks for upcoming reopening protests, arriving Cast Members found barricades on Main Street U.S.A. Yes, the Walt Disney World Resort & Spa's Magic Kingdom now has its own autonomous zone. Led by an individual calling himself goofy_fan_32, Disney-fan anarchists have set up their own Main Street U.S.A. Autonomous Zone (MSUSAAZ -- not to be confused with MNSSHP or MSNBC). The barricades prevent Disney Security ... Read more
Downtown OWA in Foley, AL, which looks exactly like Disney Springs if you've been up for 48 hours. And squint. Photo by Walt, used without permission but with some snark.

CORRECTION: Disney Springs is open, people are actually going

Hey, we get some things right, occasionally. DISNEY SPRINGS, FL -- Uncle Walt's Insider previously reported that no one is going Disney Springs in spite of it being open for business. It turns out that might have not been 100% correct. Or 50% correct. Or at all correct. It was a big misunderstanding. Our own Uncle Walt drove to Orlando for over 48 hours straight (the drive from Svalbard is pretty long) and thought he had arrived. In his sleep-deprived state, he thought that ... Read more
Ghost town? I think not. It doesn't even have real ghosts, like the Haunted Mansion, or Turtle Talk with Crush. Photo by Uncle Walt, used without permission.

“Open” Disney Springs a ghost town; no one is there

Serious. Like, nobody. Cast members, shoppers, looters. We weren't even there. DISNEY SPRINGS, FL -- Disney Springs announced their reopening in May, and the Internet nearly shutdown in excitement. Most assumed that the Walt Disney World shopping district (so called because you can't buy stuff anywhere else on WDW property) would be packed. Well, May 20th has come and gone, and despite initial reports from fake news sites (such as WDWNTT), no one is actually going to Disney Springs. It is empty. There ... Read more
I'll never let go, Jack. Er, I mean Mickey. Photo [CC0] via Pxfuel & clipart-library.

Disney Magic to be sunk, turned into artificial reef

Why don't they ever sink ships to create natural reefs? PORT CANAVERAL, FL -- The Disney Magic is the latest victim of the Covid-19 shutdown. Disney Cruise Line announced today that the Magic, the first cruise ship in the Disney fleet, will be sunk and turned into an artificial reef. With the high cost of maintaining the ship during the cruise industry shutdown, the write-off will help boost Disney's bottom line. I own a share of Disney. Why don't I get these calls? Robert "Bob" Chapek, CEO, and ... Read more