Indiana Jones Stunt Spectacular returns – with sound effects only

PICTURED: A capacity crowd enjoys the All-New Indiana Jones Covid-Safe “Spectacular.”

DISNEY’S HOLLYWOOD STUDIOS, FL — First the good news: Disney has announced that the Indiana Jones Stunt Spectacular will return on December 19th!

Now for the disappointing details.

The rest is bad news

Fans of this show will be disappointed (much like the fans of other Disney live entertainment) to learn that Disney’s Covid distancing rules means the actors cannot come within 6 feet of each other. [Ed.: Uncle Walt’s Insider will have an article soon on all of the other weird things Disney is doing to “battle Covid.”]

Other changes are coming as well. For example, guests will no longer be picked as Extras. This is not actually due to Covid rules, but because the Stage Actors Guild protesting unfair hiring practices, saying the “extras” were cheating them out of high-paying union jobs. (And we all know that getting money out of Bob “Bob” Chapek is harder than getting a dime from Scrooge McDuck.)

Explosions, fights, the rolling rock, all gone

Okay, let’s just run through the other changes we know about:

• Changes in the fight scenes. Stunt actors will no longer engage in hand to hand combat. Instead, they will chase each other behind large sets as the sound effects of a fight plays over the speakers.
• All of those exciting explosions will be removed from the show, primarily due to lack of funding. Insiders tell us that Bob “Bob” Chapek refused to green light the funds needed, particularly with the rising costs of fuel under the current administration.
• The prop guns that used dummy rounds will be removed. You know, because Alec Baldwin shot someone.
• Due to safety concerns, the giant “rock” will no longer chase after Indiana Jones. The stage hands touch it, so it might be infected with Covid.

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So basically, the whole show is so watered down that it will just be a single actor sitting on a chair telling guests a high level tale made up from all of the Indiana Jones movies, with some references to the The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles TV show. With sound effects.

Enjoy!

Meanwhile Universal is allowing guests to snuggle up to the Grinch for photos. Disney is really starting to suck, amirite? Let us know in the comments below!

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Cover photo: A capacity crowd enjoys the All-New Indiana Jones Covid-Safe “Spectacular.” Photo via wdwnt.com, pngmart.com, & pngimg.com [CC 4.0 BY-NC].