We told you not to bring nuclear launch codes to the Magic Kingdom!
USS TENNESSEE, ATLANTIC OCEAN– In a shocking turn of events, a nuclear missile was accidentally launched from the USS Tennessee in the Atlantic Ocean yesterday. The apparent culprit? None other than the Joe Biden audio-animatronic at Walt Disney World’s Hall of Presidents.
The animatronic Biden and former presidents had recently been upgraded to connect to the AI system ChatGPT.
“We thought that adding ChatGPT would make the Hall of Presidents more lifelike and, let’s face it, a bit more interesting,” said Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation), “but we never imagined they could be so dangerous.
“Our animatronics are programmed to provide guests with an immersive and educational experience. We didn’t think they’d be capable of launching nuclear missiles. Luckily, in this case, the missile was not properly armed, and so after a spectacular launch, it fell harmlessly into the middle of the Atlantic.”
Sure, this time it was harmless
A source within the U.S. Navy COMSUBLANT (Commander, Submarine Force Atlantic) office who asked to remain nameless [Ed.: Vice Admiral Houston, is this anonymous enough?] told Uncle Walt’s Insider, “Well, in hindsight, perhaps we shouldn’t have set the launch code to be 1-2-3-4-5. We thought that would be something the real President Biden would be able to manage, but apparently it was a little too easy for the Biden Animatronic.”
COMSUBLANT denies that that is also the combination on the president’s suitcase.
As news of the missile launch spread, panic erupted across the world. Many feared that this could be the end of civilization as we know it. But some people seemed surprisingly calm about the situation.
“It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine,” said one man, who identified himself only as “Mike.” “I mean, let’s be real, it was only a matter of time before the robots took over anyway.”
Disney in more trouble?
Authorities are still trying to determine whether the attempted launch would violate a recently proposed US law which would make it illegal for an artificial intelligence system to make nuclear launch decisions.
In the midst of the chaos, one thing is clear: we may never know the true motives behind the animatronic Biden’s actions. Was it a malfunction in the programming? A glitch in the system? Or was it something more sinister?
For now, all we can do is wait and see what happens next. But one thing is certain: we may never look at Disney’s Hall of Presidents [Ed.: Or ChatGPT] the same way again.
What do you think the Trump animatronic would have done? Comment below!
Cover photo: Wait, who was taking this picture? Photo by U.S. Indo-Pacific Command [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0] via Flickr; inset photo by Kjersti Holmang [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikipedia.