By Groot's Hammer, what a savings!
ANAHEIM, CA -- In a recent earnings call, Disney CEO and Grand Poobah Bob "Bob" Chapek had some big news that Disney fans are sure to love! While speaking about huge profits from the parks department, he said that big changes were in store - changes that guests should love!
Starting in August, guests will be able to purchase a Magic Key in one of four tiers, all at rock bottom prices!
For large values of "rock bottom"
It's like they're milking a dead horse, or beating the cow they rode in on. Or something.
BR'ER BANK, CA - You thought our previous list of Star Wars & Marvel spinoffs coming to Disney+ was complete? Nay, nay! Disney's going to squeeze the blood from this turnip until the stars fall from the clowns. [Ed.: Will someone please work with Marty on his analogies?]
Here's a few more you may not yet have heard of:
Extreme City Makeover: Mos Eisley
From wretched hive ...
Uncle Walt's Insider step-planDisney (Step)Moms answer your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]
"Dear step-planDisney (Step)Moms: What is your favorite type of Churro and are they even worth purchasing now with Disney’s food prices so high?" - Ram Oleson, The Haven
I'm partial to the churros they serve at the Mexico pavilion in EPCOT Centre. They come ...
Next up: have you ever seen a Slinky Dog twerk?
EMERYVILLE, CA -- Continuing Disney's repeated attempts to one-up itself in the Woke Olympics, its animation subsidiary Pixar has announced the first transgender character in children's animated feature films. Not only that, but it says the character was introduced in 1995, when the first Toy Story film was released!
Bo Peep, you see, is a dude trans woman, and has been all this time.
"Bo Peep was actually born 'Beau,' B-E-A-U, Peep," explains Disney ...
It's the thing to do these days, and Disney's cashing in!
BURBANK, CA -- Adventures by Disney has a brand new excursion, and they hope that real patriots will want to sign up for this one!
The newly-announced "After Hours" US Capitol Tour will bring guests to Washington, D.C. for their adventure. The travelers will be booked into the Trump Hotel, enjoy dining at some of the best restaurants the city has to offer, and then after night falls they'll head out ...