Sure, normally we'd be shutting down for New Year's Day. But after our Uncle Walt fired everyone for slacking off on Christmas Day, we need some talented reporters in here pretty quickly. And apparently there wasn't as much of a backlog of pre-written articles as Walt thought.
It turns out it's hard to get talented reporters to move to Svalbard, and this job only pays in churros. [Ed.: We can even pay in cream cheese pretzels bagels on request.] Plus (as you can ...
You get a list of our top articles, and we get to knock out an easy filler article. Win-win!
UNCLE WALT'S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD -- It is that time of the year, where we wonder why we took all of the time to put up all of these lights and decorations only to take them down a month later. It is also the time when all of the various media outlets do those annoying countdowns from things that happened throughout the year. ...
Journalism: apparently we're doing it wrong.
UNCLE WALT'S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD -- Recently, the loyal, hardworking writers of your favorite Disney website [Ed.: Us, right?] were in the newsroom, searching for inspiration. And by "searching for inspiration," we mean looking at competitors' websites for stuff we can rip off. And we came across an article published by a certain newspaper, entitled "The 11 best amusement parks in Florida, 2019 edition."
Now, we're not going to name names, but this USA-based paper claims TO have ...
Did Disney accurately predict mountains in space?
GREENBELT, MD -- Images from NASA's OSIRIS-REx space probe show an eerily familiar formation in deep space. There is a mountain in space that looks like Space Mountain, on an asteroid located 1.4 million miles from Walt Disney World Resort and Spa!
Scientists from the Goddard Space Flight Center who are monitoring the probe's progress are baffled.
Disneyland included a Tomorrowland area from its opening. The land was intended to be a "step into the future," ...
That's right, we're not going to pretend it's some other obscure holiday. Actually, our boss, Uncle Walt, actually expects us to be working today. But he never comes in the office on holidays himself; he just stays in his yurt drinking eggnog and eating eggnog-flavored churros.* So we're taking advantage of the historically low park attendance on Christmas Day and heading to Walt Disney World. Maybe we'll see you there?
Oh, and don't worry about us getting into trouble. Uncle Walt never actually ...