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No more shiplap under her watch. Photo © 2021 Google / Street View.

Chip Gaines out; Gina Carano named head of Imagineering

No controversy here, no sir. BURBANK, CA -- Chip Gaines lasted less than a week as head of Walt Disney Imagineering. Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) told Uncle Walt's Insider, "Officially, Chip is moving on to devote more time with his family. "Off the record, though," Disney (no relation) continued, "Chip was less interested in coming up with new attractions, and more into completely gutting the Imagineering offices, 'to get them ready to flip.'" [Note to self: look up the meaning ... Read more
Meet the newest Disney Imagineer...ing President. Photo © 2021 Google / Street View.

Chip Gaines to become head of Imagineering

He could be in charge of demolishing every unoriginal attraction. Hmm... BURBANK, CA -- With the recent news that longtime Disney Imagineer Joe Rohde has left Walt Disney Imagineering, ostensibly to go play with cruise ships trains spaceships, there is a rare opening for the head Imagineer. Our sources have told us that the new head of Imagineering will be WDI consultant Chip Gaines. Bob Weis [Ed.: No relation to Charlie], President of Walt Disney Imagineering, told Uncle Walt's Insider that "while we ... Read more
Meet the newest Disney Imagineer. Photo © 2021 Google / Street View.

Elon Musk joins Disney Imagineering as creative consultant

One person in America still has original ideas. GLENDALE, CA -- Elon Musk has joined Disney's Imagineering as a creative consultant. [Ed.: Didn't we just say that in the headline?] Uncle Walt's Insider found that the move came after Disney was looking for some sort of ideas for new attractions to put into the parks, but admitted they were out of original ideas and could only turn to Hollywood. And then they discovered that Hollywood is also out of original ideas. Disney (the company) spokesperson ... Read more
Now that he can't tweet, think of what he'll do with all this new time on his hands! Image © Disney.

Twitter permanently bans @RealDonaldDuck

First they came for the ducks, but I did not speak out because I was not a duck... SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- Complete Unbiased® social media giant Twitter is permanently banning the @RealDonaldDuck account from ever tweeting again. Head Twit Jack Dorsey announced the move today. "We try to understand The Donald's tweets, but they are just uncomprehensible most of the time. So given his anger issues and his blatant Nazi past, we figured he must be inciting violence." Uncle Walt's Insider will keep ... Read more
The last Disney fireworks not to be sold on the black market. Photo by Ethically Yours [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia.

Disney Parks fireworks for sale on the black market?

We only make up stuff when we want to start a rumor. (This, for example.) BOCA CHICA, TX -- For the first time in Walt Disney World history, fireworks did not explode over Cinderella Castle as the clock struck midnight on New Years Eve. In fact, Disney has not launched a barrage of exploding shells into the sky since the parks re-opened, after closing due to the Great Churro Shortage of 2020. This has left Disney, the second largest purchaser of explosives ... Read more