This “Rob” Chapek guy (pictured) looks kind of familiar.
BR’ER BANK, CA – After Robert “Bob” Iger “reluctantly” seized the reins of the Disney Company last month from Bob “Bob” Chapek, fans and shareholders alike wondered if Iger’s return was only temporary or if he would be CEO-for-life, as previously reported by Uncle Walt’s Insider.
Some more permanent CEO replacements for Iger have already been rumored, such as Ole Miss coach Lane Kiffen and Elon Musk. We at Uncle Walt’s feel that our readers deserve a comprehensive list of possible Disney CEO replacements, so we worked tirelessly tracking down every rumor we could. And when that failed, as usual, we just made stuff up.
So who will be the next CEO of Disney? We’ve narrowed the list down to the most likely:
Rob “Rob” Chapek
Pictured above. Apparently, Bob Chapek has an identical twin no one knew about?
Jeb! Bush
Why not Jeb?
Robert Beto “Bob” O’Rourke
Could do the job while looking for another election to lose.
Sam Bankman-Fried
Disney’s stock is already dropping, so why not an expert in losing money?
Brian Stelter
The former CNN anchor-potato has a lot of time on his hands lately.
Mariah Carey
She’d need time off for Christmas season.
Kanye West
Would take the focus off of Disney’s more controversial moves.
Ben Shapiro
Maybe he and Stelter could co-CEO?
Jimmy Carter
The obviously immortal former president needs something to do.
Donald Trump
Pretty sure the nation would rally around him with love and adoration.
Phil Vischer
The VeggieTales creator once wanted to be the next Walt Disney, after all.
Rick Warren
It would be interesting seeing what would happen to the “woke” Disney faction with a Baptist pastor in the lead.
Adam Ford or Seth Dillon
Creator and current owner of The Babylon Bee. Apart from being an entertaining choice, this would cut down on competition for UWI.
Donald Duck
He has some good ideas for the company. Or so we’re told. We can’t understand a thing he says.
George Lucas
Great idea man. Would possibly convert the entire company to CGI.
Richard Branson
Needs another corporate toy for his collection.
Jeff Bezos
Needs another corporate toy for his collection.
Mark Zuckerberg
Needs another corporate toy for his collection.
Paul Pelosi
He submitted his own name, now that Nancy is out of a job and will be home more.
Kim Jong Un
Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un is possessed of unbounded loyalty to the revolutionary cause of Juche, outstanding leadership ability, matchless courage and pluck, and popular traits. Also, Disneyland Pyongyang is awesome.
Kelly Clarkson
Not sure if she’s interested. We just like her.
Uncle Walt
Not sure if he’s interested. We just want him out of our office.
Robert “Beto” O’Chapek
Another Chapek twin, er, triplet? This one has a goatee.
Jun Disney (no relation)
Our favorite Disney (the company) spokesperson would be a great choice! (And we’d have even more inside information.)
Abigail Disney
An actual Disney relative, she has always been loving and supportive of the company that bears her great-uncle’s name.
Thomas L. Williams
CEO of Universal Parks & Resorts.
Kevin Lembke
Park President of Busch Gardens & Water Country USA.
Selim A. Bassoul
CEO of Six Flags.
Jonathan Schwartz
Producer of Guardians of the Galaxy, Guardians of the Galaxy 2, Guardians of the Galaxy 3, 4, 5, and 17, as well as Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. Oh well, they can’t all be hits.
Stephen Schwartz
Composer of Godspell, Wicked, Pocahontas, Pippin, Guardians of the Galaxy 4: The Broadway Musical, as well as Working. Oh well, they can’t all be hits.
F.A.O. Schwarz
While we’re on the theme, the NYC toy store could offer some great merch tie-ins.
Ken Lay
He did such a great job with Enron.
Chuck Conway
He did such a great job with KMart.
Ron DeSantis
No word on whether DeSantis is actually interested. The name was submitted by a Florida resident named “Fonald Frump.”
Walt, Ub, & Marty contributed to this article, so we have plausible deniability about any particular item. (But it was mostly Ub.)
Which potential CEO is your favorite? Let us know in the comments below!
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Cover photo: Possible Disney CEO “Rob” Chapek. Not sure we see a resemblance.
