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President* Biden's animatronic in the Hall of President*s is already malfunctioning. Or is it? Photo by Kjersti Holmang [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikipedia.

Report: Biden animatronic figure already malfunctioning

It's only recently been installed, but it seems to have the same glitches as on the campaign trail. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- The Magic Kingdom Park's Hall of Presidents attraction is reportedly closed after the animatronic figure of President* Joe Biden began malfunctioning, less than ten days after it was installed. Reports from insiders say that the figure would randomly say things not in the script, like "salute the Marines" and "I don't know what I'm signing." And recently, the figure announced it ... Read more
He looks almost lifelike.

Joe Biden animatronic already installed in Hall of Presidents; “We made it months ago”

Oddly, it arrived back from the DNC in a box labeled "John Gill." WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- The Hall of Presidents at Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom already has a new occupant. President* Joe Biden's animatronic was installed within minutes of his swearing-in. Normally the process of creating and installing a new presidential animatronic takes months after a change in administration. But this time, Disney was prepared. "Not a lot of wear" "We've actually had the audio-animatronic built for months," says Disney (the company) ... Read more
Probably also the color is draining out. Photo by Michael Gray Wantagh [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Wikimedia.

The truth about Extra Magic Hour elimination: Disney is running out of magic

Maybe cloth face masks filter out the magic? WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Fans of the Walt Disney World Resort & Spa are still reeling over the loss of the Magical Express and Extra Magic Hours [Ed.: And pavement]. But like seemingly everything else these days, there is worse news behind the bad news. Disney has almost completely exhausted its store of magic. "We've been draining our magic supplies like crazy in the past few months," confesses Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney ... Read more
Now that he can't tweet, think of what he'll do with all this new time on his hands! Image © Disney.

Twitter permanently bans @RealDonaldDuck

First they came for the ducks, but I did not speak out because I was not a duck... SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- Complete Unbiased® social media giant Twitter is permanently banning the @RealDonaldDuck account from ever tweeting again. Head Twit Jack Dorsey announced the move today. "We try to understand The Donald's tweets, but they are just uncomprehensible most of the time. So given his anger issues and his blatant Nazi past, we figured he must be inciting violence." Uncle Walt's Insider will keep ... Read more
A barricade at the entrance to the Main Street U.S.A. Autonomous Zone, which they're claiming isn't in the U.S.A.? Photo courtesy disneyparks.com, mynorthwest.com, & kennythepirate.com.

Disneyland declares itself “autonomous zone,” opens in defiance of Newsom ban

Throw a few barricades and hand-painted signs in front of the security checkpoints, and they're good to go! ANAHEIM, CA -- Borrowing an idea from Seattle protestors, today the Disney Company declared the Disneyland Resort an "autonomous zone" and opened the parks. The move comes in defiance of a ban by California Governor Gavin Newsom (D).  Disney CEO Bob "Robert" Chapek tells Uncle Walt's Insider, "I don't know why we hadn't thought of this before. I mean, the Florida properties have had their own ... Read more