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A future Disneyland guest. Photo © Lucasfilm.

Newsom: Disneyland can reopen if guests are frozen in carbonite for at least 14 days

The Science® says the virus won't survive the freezing process. Probably. Maybe. SACRADEMENTO, CA -- Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-Hypocrite) issued new guidelines for theme park reopening in California today. Disneyland can reopen to any guests who have been frozen in carbonite for at least 14 days. Admission preference will be given to anyone frozen since 2018 or earlier. Disney has begun signups on its park website for the freezing process, and is free to Platinum Annual Passholders and members of Club 33. Are you ... Read more
Of all the color-coded maps of the United States, this is definitely the most recent! Image by Marty, used (inexplicably) without permission.

INSIDER EXCLUSIVE: What this map of United States reveals is shocking

All the other websites have maps. Why not us? UNCLE WALT'S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD -- In what can only be described as "shocking" (it's right there in the headline, see?), a new map of the United States of America provides amazing insight into our current condition. Uncle Walt's Insider is the only place you will see this information, at least until Snopes tries to fact-check us again. "As you can see, there are many different colors on the map," said Marty Ralks, creator ... Read more
UWI (Step)Moms Panel

(Step)Moms Panel: “Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck?”

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck Mcduck ... Read more
The resemblance is uncanny, you have to admit. Photo insets © Disney and Mel Brooks, probably.

“Yes, the Mandalorian’s ship was modeled after the Space Winnebago from Spaceballs”

We knew it. We just knew it. BR'ER BANK, CA -- Sources at Disney+ have now confirmed what we've suspected all along. The Razor Crest, the spaceship flown by the title character of The Mandalorian, was indeed modeled after the Space Winnebago, Lone Star's spaceship in Mel Brooks' classic Oscar-winning drama Spaceballs. Just a few minor details are different Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) finally returned our call. "Yes, the Mandalorian's ship was modeled after the Space Winnebago from Spaceballs," Disney (no ... Read more
UWI (Step)Moms Panel

(Step)Moms Panel: Do you publish unsolicited authors with suspiciously familiar names?

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: Good morning, I hope all is well. I came across your website the other day and I thought I would reach out to you regarding publishing an article on your blog. I wondered if this is something you would ... Read more