Uncle Walt's Insider Marty, Author at Uncle Walt's Insider

it's a small world of social distancing. Video still by Inside the Magic via YouTube.

Dolls in “it’s a small world” being masked, spaced 6 feet apart

"Those dolls are packed close together indoors, singing." DISNEYLAND, CA -- Getting the Joe Biden animatronic to sign an executive order reopening Disneyland was just the first step. Now park officials are scrambling to make the Happiest Place on Earth the safest place on Earth. "We took a look at all of our attractions," said Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation), "and put together a prioritized checklist of changes that were needed. And number one on the list was it's a ...

Cover photo: Our first robot president signs another diktat. Photo by WillMcC [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia / ABC News.

Disney’s Biden animatronic signs Executive Order reopening Disneyland!

Even malfunctioning, it's still more coherent than the real thing. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Disney Parks, Resorts & Spas officials have "taken advantage of a unique time in history," Uncle Walt's Insider has learned. "We know that there have been a flurry of executive orders being signed by Biden," said our source, who wishes to remain anonymous. Disney (no relation) continued, "And we have a Biden animatronic in the Hall of Presidents, and a resort in California that's been shut down for ...

February 10, 2021 by Marty in California, Florida

A new, simple, Covid-19 prevention mask. Photo courtesy Texas A&M University, maybe.

Will this mask breakthrough allow Disneyland to reopen?

It's 100% effective at stopping the virus, and can be made with common household materials. COLLEGE STATION, TX -- This may be the break Disneyland officials have been waiting for! Researchers at the Texas A&M University Department of Biotechnology and Concrete Husbandry have announced a new masking solution that is 100% effective at preventing the spread of Covid-19. "It's so simple, we don't know why we didn't think of it before," says A&M (the college) spokesperson Jun Aggie (no relation). "We've been using ...

February 4, 2021 by Marty in California, World

(Step)Moms Panel: What are your favorite movies?

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: What are your favorite movies? Most Sincerely Yours," Elmo - Edina, MN Marty: Hi, Edina! We're honored that such a talented singer and actress is a fan of Uncle Walt's Insider! But please, do not sing Let It Go. You'll just ...

February 1, 2021 by Marty in step-planDisney

President* Biden's animatronic in the Hall of President*s is already malfunctioning. Or is it? Photo by Kjersti Holmang [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikipedia.

Report: Biden animatronic figure already malfunctioning

It's only recently been installed, but it seems to have the same glitches as on the campaign trail. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- The Magic Kingdom Park's Hall of Presidents attraction is reportedly closed after the animatronic figure of President* Joe Biden began malfunctioning, less than ten days after it was installed. Reports from insiders say that the figure would randomly say things not in the script, like "salute the Marines" and "I don't know what I'm signing." And recently, the figure announced it ...

January 29, 2021 by Marty in Florida