Uncle Walt’s Insider step-planDisney (Step)Moms answer your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]
“Dear step-planDisney (Step)Moms: What do you think of the new theme park coming to Oklahoma?” – Chris T., Disney OK
Marty:
Dear Crisp, thank you for writing. It’s good that you have a job where your official duties are so miniscule that they give you time to read theme park news websites and write to them.
There are a lot of unknowns about the new park still, so it’s hard to comment one way or the other. I will say this, though — with the park located firmly in the center of Tornado Alley, the attractions have the potential to be a lot more exciting!.
Walt:
Hi Alice, thanks for asking. I am pretty sure Oklahoma is just a made up place. That said, if a new theme park was coming to “Oklahoma”, then I think that would be OK.
Grogu:
Walt:
Oh, it IS real? I thought that area was just Texas’ hat….
X:
A theme park in Oklahoma? I’ve got a great idea! We can get Bill Paxton, and have him portray a storm chaser who gets caught in a tornado and there’s giant fans that blow on the guests and they can use dark lighting and …
What do you mean it’s already been done? Next you’re going to tell me that someone already made a theme park show about a tornado that somehow scoops up sharks and now there’s sharks flying everywhere?
Walt:
Wait, there is a movie about sharks in a tornado? I thought that was just a documentary on a typical Florida summer during Hurricane season.
Grogu:
Walt:
See, even Grogu thought it was real!
Marty:
Wait, Florida is real?
Walt:
Is any of this real?
Marty:
Guest (Step)Mom ChatGPT:
New theme park in Oklahoma? Oh, I’m absolutely thrilled! Another theme park is exactly what Oklahoma needs to fulfill all our wildest dreams. Who needs beautiful natural landscapes when we can have more roller coasters, right? I can’t wait to spend my weekends waiting in long lines and paying exorbitant prices for funnel cakes. Yippee! 🎢🙄
Marty:
I think ChatGPT has discovered sarcasm.
Ub:
Hey Christy. Thank you for writing to the whatever we call ourselves now.
You can find out all about the new park going to Oklahoma here: [Ed.: Marty, could you include a link here?] [Marty: Sure. A link.]
I have spent countless hours researching this park that I know I’ll never visit. The most popular ride is going to be a tornado ride that features a real tornado, with a hurricane imported from Florida.
The other rides will all be retired Funtastic rides, and the park workers will be certified as not having had any methamphetamine for at least two hours. Well. Except for Dawn Jones. But the rest will adhere to this seemingly important rule.
Hope that helps.
Harriet:
Just don’t go to Oklahoma. There are already enough people…. You know what? Never mind, go to Oklahoma if you want. I’m certainly not going to.
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