Fire sale at the Disney Company!
VINITA, OK — Sources say Disney CEO Bob ‘Bob‘ Iger, eager to raise capital for the struggling entertainment company, is quietly selling off pieces of the company. Money-losing parts of the company such as ABC, Freeform, FX, and Kathleen Kennedy are up for sale. And the latest piece of the company to go?
Michigan’s Disneyland Escanaba.
The park, located (some say) in the Upper Peninsula of the state of Michigan, is most famous for three things: (1) crashing Disney’s servers when we broke the story in 2018; (2) being the only Disney park other than Disneyland Pyongyang that has been visited by Kim Jong Un; and (3) possibly not actually existing.
Meanwhile, the internets have been abuzz in the last couple of days about a new theme park, “American Heartland,” being planned for northwest Oklahoma. However, Uncle Walt’s Insider has learned that the so-called American Heartland Theme Park and Resort (and Spa?) will be nothing more than the current Disneyland Escanaba, sold to new investors and moved piece by piece to Oklahoma.
…and the land we belong to is bland
Why Oklahoma, though? It’s a question many, many people have been asking us. [Ed.: Hi, Kaitlyn!]
While there is no official answer, our staff has learned (after much in-depth research) that the state of Oklahoma is said to have wind sweeping down the plains, waving wheat that smells sweet when the wind comes right behind the rain, and something about hawks making lazy circles in the sky. Also, it’s not in Michigan.
UPDATE: At last report, an official from the nearby town of Disney, Oklahoma, has sent a strongly-worded email to the developers threatening legal action for defamation or something stupid like that. We’ll keep you posted if we learn more.
Is Oklahoma really an improvement over Michigan? Let us know in the comments below!
Cover photo: The renamed & relocated Disneyland Escanaba. Photo courtesy American Heartland Theme Park and Resort (and Spa).