World Archives | Page 3 of 27 |
Ultimate cosmic power!!!! Still can't reopen Disneyland. Image background by Carlos Donderis [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0] via Flickr.

“Mega-Merger”: Disney purchases Apple, Google, Microsoft & Amazon

And they are currently negotiating with both major political parties. BURBANK, CA -- In a stunning development, the Disney Company announced today that it will be purchasing Apple, Google, Microsoft and Amazon, and all of their subsidiary brands. Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) was ecstatic. "This is off the record, obviously," she whispered into our hidden microphone, "but this is just one step closer to our ultimate goal of world domination." How does that square with with founder Walt Disney (related)'s dream ... Read more
Remember, it all started with a mouse. Photo by Olivier Bruchez [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.

BREAKING NEWS: Disneyland Resort to re-open October 31st!

No word yet on whether it will reopen in Anaheim or in Texas. ANAHEIM, CA -- The long awaited re-opening date of the Disneyland Land Resort has finally been announced! Josh D'Amaro, Chairman of Disney Parks, Experiences, Products, and Spas alongside some random dude named Gavin something, announced that Disneyland will re-open to guests on October 31, 2021, along with a Halloween party to welcome guests back. Unlike previous Halloween parties, this will be open to all ticket and Annual Passholders, with ... Read more
The Golden Gate Bridge, Texas-bound? Photo by Prabhanjankumarnandyala [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikimedia.

Golden Gate Bridge will flee California for Texas

Where will it end? SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- It started with hundreds of thousands of residents leaving California. Then theme park Disneyland decided to leave, and was quickly followed by Knott's Berry Farm, SeaWorld, and Disney California Adventure. Now the first non-park landmark has announced its departure: the famous Golden Gate Bridge. The Golden Gate (the bridge) spokesperson Jun Gate (no relation) announced the plans to Uncle Walt's Insider. "Things are just getting nuts out here," said Gate (no relation). "I mean, when someone put ... Read more
The entrance to Disney formerly-California Adventure. Photo by Neon Tommy [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Wikimedia.

With theme parks fleeing the state, Disney California Adventure remains undecided

"Who would want a 'California' park in a non-California state?" ANAHEIM, CA -- Once sister theme park Disneyland decided to leave California (quickly followed by Knott's Berry Farm and SeaWorld), Disney's California Adventure theme park was left in a quandary. "Sure, we'd like to leave," Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) tells Uncle Walt's Insider, "especially since Disneyland took the parking garages with them. But we're a California-themed park. Everything about us screams 'California.' "Take a look at the theming: from ... Read more
This proves that SeaWorld is now in Texas. Photo by Tristanb [CC BY-SA-3.0] via Wikimedia.

BREAKING: SeaWorld relocates to San Antonio

Shamu is in Texas! Who knew? SAN ANTONIO, TX -- Uncle Walt's Insider has some breaking news that you will ONLY find here! Sometime during the Covid-19 shutdown, SeaWorld San Diego packed up and moved the entire operation to San Antonio, TX! The park is the latest to flee California for more normal states, after Disneyland and Knott's Berry Farm announced moves earlier this week. Our very own Uncle Walt discovered this move while visiting San Antonio. Not a copy, but close "It's not ... Read more