Page 9 – Uncle Walt's Insider
With a sign like this, at least it's not likely to be mistaken for the original show. Photo by Matt Dempsey [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr, clipart.me, & Wikipedia Commons.

Country Bear Jamboree re-themed as San Francisco Bear Jamboree

Oh, there will still be "bears." MAGIC KINGDOM, FL -- The Walt Disney World Resort and Spa and Center for Societal Change has announced a new project, sure to excite parents of all genders! Disney is continuing its current project (called "Woke Kingdom," according to insiders) by re-theming the beloved attraction Country Bear Jamboree. We caught up with Disney (the company) spokesbeing Jun Disney (no relation) to find out more. "This is just one more step in solving all of the world's problems! ... Read more
Steak, probably from a cow. Probably. Photo by with wind [CC BY-NC 2.0] via Flickr.

To rehab its image, Disney publicly embraces cannibalism

This stance is "just as likely to be popular as the last one!" BR'ER BANK, CA -- The Disney Company has taken a beating recently over its political stances. Once the most trusted name in family entertainment, a recent poll shows that level of trust down to 54% overall. With some subgroups, the trust in Disney's programming is as low as 23%. "Our leaders are a bit confused," says Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation). "All we did was push back hard ... Read more
We're scared of what the Ghost of Disney Future will show.

Chapek haunted by Ghost of Disney Past

Apparently Walt isn't happy. BURBANK, CA -- Sources within the Disney Company say that CEO Bob "Bob" Chapek is being visited by the Ghost of Disney Past. Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) confirmed the haunting, but said it is no big deal. "The ghost first showed up when Chapek started charging for things that used to be free for guests," Disney (no relation) told Uncle Walt's Insider. "That was unsettling, sure, but Bob's pretty used to the visits by now." "You learn ... Read more
Vandals paint Cinderella Castle a hideous pink color. Photo by Laughing Place via Twitter.

BREAKING: Walt Disney World to leave Florida

Rumor is they're heading for New York City, where they can say "gay." WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- The Walt Disney World Resort and Spa and Alternative Lifestyle Grooming Center announced today that it is packing up and moving out of Florida. "It's obvious that our values don't align with those of the state any more," said CEO Bob "Bob" Chapek. "I mean, they have a law now that says teachers can't discuss sexuality with 5- to 8-year-olds without parental consent! Who wants ... Read more
Guests tiptoeing through the tulips, as part of really long Stand-By queues. Photo by Uncle Walt, used without permission.

Excessive stand-by lines force guests into the foliage

Pictured above: guests in the foliage. DISNEY'S HOLLYWOOD STUDIOS, FL -- During a recent visit to the Walt Disney World Resort and Spa and Savings Vacuum, our own Uncle Walt experienced incredibly long attraction Stand-By queues -- so long that the lines stretched off the paths and into the landscaping! Because of the recent cash-grab scam [Ed.: Well, one of them] perpetrated by Bob "Bob" Chapek, Lightning Lane, guests at the Disney Parks, Resorts, Spa & Labor Camp have encountered even longer ... Read more