Uncle Walt's Insider Page 11 – Uncle Walt's Insider

Queen Elizabeth. [Walt: It's supposed to be a picture of the actual Queen Elizabeth II, not a ship.] [Marty: Then you should have provided context. You can't expect me to actually read the article.] [Walt: You literally wrote it!]. Public Domain.

BREAKING: Queen Elizabeth passes away; Disney’s UK Pavilions worldwide to close

Pictured: Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. UNCLE WALT'S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD -- Brits and anglophiles worldwide are mourning the passing of the United Kingdom's Queen Elizabeth II. Uncle Walt's Insider has learned that Disney parks worldwide will be closing down their respective U.K. Pavilions for a period of mourning, including the ones at Florida's EPCOT Centre (Disney: "They'll just have to go around"), California's California Adventure, and Disneyland Pyongyang. Uncle Walt's Insider offices will remain open; however, we will have "God Save the ...

September 9, 2022 by Marty in California, Florida, World

Personally, we can't wait for the crossover series. Photo elements © Disney.

Ads, no ads, or really specific ads – new Disney+ tiers announced

This article brought to you by Disney+, unless you pay us. GLENDALE-ISH, CA -- Disney CEO Bob "Bob" Chapek is continuing his practice of adding charges to things that used to be free! During a recent earnings call, Chapek announced that streaming service Disney+ will be adding advertisements, but that an ad-free experience would still be available -- for an additional fee, of course. Our intrepid reporters [Ed.: I don't think our reporters have been intrepid since Covid hit] were able to discover the ...

September 7, 2022 by X in Other

Oh, yeah. There's also a giant mask on Cinderella Castle. Photo by Michael Gray [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.

BREAKING: Walt Disney World closed following Monkeypox outbreak

Wait, what did they put on Main Street USA??? WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- In stunning news, exclusive to Uncle Walt's Insider [Ed.: Actually, most of the articles we make up are exclusive to us], Walt Disney World has shut down entirely due to an outbreak of monkeypox. Details are sketchy at the moment, so instead of making stuff up like we usually do, we reached out to our favorite Disney spokesperson. Our favorite Disney spokesperson Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) was ...

September 3, 2022 by Marty in Florida

Hey, look! He's even doing the two-finger point! Photo courtesy TripAdvisor, slightly (?) altered.

Disney to buy Holy Land Experience, replace images of Jesus with CEO Chapek

Walt: "Hey, Marty, can you make a cover image for a story on Bob Chapek replacing Jesus without being too blasphemous?" Marty: "Can I finally get paid for doing this?" Walt: "Ha ha ha ha ha! No." ORLANDO, FL-- Disney has announced exciting plans to acquire and reopen the Holy Land Experience theme park! In an all-cash deal valued at, oh, let's round it up to $20, Disney will buy the property, buildings, and intellectual property associated with the park. (See our companion article: ...

August 29, 2022 by Walt in Florida

Step-planDisney: The rumored Cars/Raya/Moana/Frozen/Tangled/Garfield crossover movie – real or fiction?

Uncle Walt's Insider step-planDisney (Step)Moms answer your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear step-planDisney (Step)Moms: Will there be a crossover movie with Cars and Raya and the Lost Dragon and Moana and Frozen and Tangled and Garfield?" - Malikhi Brandon, Bellevue, NE Marty: Dear Brandy, thank you for writing. A crossover with Cars, Raya, Moana, Frozen, Tangled & Garfield? ...

August 25, 2022 by Marty in Other, step-planDisney