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Cinderella Castle, moved two inches to the left. Photo by Flickr user: Michael Gray Wantagh [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Wikimedia.

Walt Disney World forced to redraw borders; entire resort moved two inches

Why would you even rely on GPS in the 1960's? WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Bad data from 1960-era GPS satellites has forced Disney to make minor changes to the entire Walt Disney World area, all 39 square miles. Orlando Land engineer Bucky "Buck" Buckercocktosten filed a drawing with the Reedy Creek Improvement District recently showing the errors. As it turns out, the borders in the initial survey differ from the borders actually used. The boundaries used during construction were off by ... Read more
Totally not a ride exit. Just a gift shop with a really fun and entertaining entrance. Photo by Patrick Pelletier [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikimedia.

Disneyland beats California ban, will open all rides as ‘shops’

The rides already exit into gift shops. Why not take advantage of that? ANAHEIM, CA -- Disney has already shown that you can safely operate a theme park. Billions of visitors currently at Walt Disney World (95% of them at Disney's Hollywood Studios) have proven that fact. However, California governor Gavin Newsome (D) has continued to force the parks to stay closed, which has led to longer bread and toilet paper lines, especially in Southern California. But now Disney park officials may have ... Read more
UWI (Step)Moms Panel

(Step)Moms Panel: If I follow Disneyland to Texas, can I still get a California local’s discount?

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: I understand that Disney is hightailing out of California for greener pastures in Texas. My question is, will my California Drivers licence still garner me the 20% locals discount? If not please tell me how the discount structure will ... Read more
You know we wear it as a badge of honor when Snopes debunks us, right? Photo source: Snopes.com.

An Open Letter to the Snopes Editorial Staff

Is this necessary? We thought Snopes was satire. UNCLE WALTS INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD -- Dear Snopes Editorial Staff, We know you had to do it. We know that you had to remind the world that we're a satire web site (here and here). You've sworn an oath to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We understand. You're just doing your job. But, at the same time, we see how you described us. Reading between the lines, we sense the ... Read more
Mickey likes to talks to tomatoes. No word if a squash can make him smile. Photo by Josh Hallett [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.

Disney to purchase VeggieTales

Okay, now they own everything. BURBANK, CA -- The Disney Company is in final talks with VeggieTales owner Universal to bring Bob the Tomato, Larry the Cucumber, and all of their vegetable friends under the Disney banner. Sources inside both companies say that they expect a deal to be closed soon. One of the final hurdles to reaching agreement is VeggieTales demand that Disney disassociate itself from dancer and actress Julianne Hough. "Vegetables just have a problem with anything that sounds like 'julienne,'" ... Read more