This article brought to you by Disney+, unless you pay us.
GLENDALE-ISH, CA — Disney CEO Bob “Bob” Chapek is continuing his practice of adding charges to things that used to be free! During a recent earnings call, Chapek announced that streaming service Disney+ will be adding advertisements, but that an ad-free experience would still be available — for an additional fee, of course.
Our intrepid reporters [Ed.: I don’t think our reporters have been intrepid since Covid hit] were able to discover the full list of the new options. While we don’t have the prices yet, we do think the list itself is pretty interesting.
So, without further ado, here are the new Disney+ tiers, from cheapest to most expensive:
All ads will feature either Flo, Doug, Mayhem, the Geico Gecko, or Shaq. None will be for car insurance.
All ads will be for car insurance, or will feature the Dr Pepper guy.
Normal selection of ads.
Will contain only a single two-minute ad break for every 30 minutes of programming.
No ads, but all programs will have subliminal messages praising Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Bob Chapek.
No ads or subliminal messages.
We’ll let you know when we find out the prices, but expect to be paying lots more.
Would you pay for Disney+ Plus++, which is a programming language with no ads? Let us know in the comments below!
Cover photo: We tried putting in Disney+ Plus- Minus L R L R B A, but nothing happened. Photo elements © Disney.