Page 56 – Uncle Walt's Insider
Remember, it all started with a mouse. Photo by Olivier Bruchez [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.

BREAKING NEWS: Disneyland Resort to re-open October 31st!

No word yet on whether it will reopen in Anaheim or in Texas. ANAHEIM, CA -- The long awaited re-opening date of the Disneyland Land Resort has finally been announced! Josh D'Amaro, Chairman of Disney Parks, Experiences, Products, and Spas alongside some random dude named Gavin something, announced that Disneyland will re-open to guests on October 31, 2021, along with a Halloween party to welcome guests back. Unlike previous Halloween parties, this will be open to all ticket and Annual Passholders, with ...
September 21, 2020 by Walt in California, World
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We're already sick... of each other. Quarantine sign [CC0] via Pixabay.

Uncle Walt’s staff in quarantine after going viral

We're at an elevated risk, since we go viral so rarely. UNCLE WALT'S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD -- The entire staff of Uncle Walt's Insider has been quarantined in our Svalbard headquarters after one of our articles went viral recently.  As mentioned by completely non-political and unbiased website Snopes [Ed.: remember, we are satire.], a recent article we wrote was shared around the world and viewed millions of times. [We think it was the one about Six Flags opening a Hall of Vice Presidents. ...
September 21, 2020 by Marty in Other
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In a heartwarming moment from Angels in the Outfield (1994), a young Joseph Gordon-Levitt shows Danny Glover where the team should move. Photo © 1994 Disney.

L.A. Angels are NOT leaving California

Who? ANAHEIM, CA -- In a time when thousands of attractions are fleeing the state of California (here, here, here, here, and here), one team dares to be different. The Anaheim Los Angeles [english: "The Angels"] Angels of Anaheim have announced that they will NOT be leaving the state of California.  In a press conference yesterday, a spokesperson for The The Angels Angels confirmed the decision. Who Cares? The spokesperson, who identified himself as "Head Angel Al" (and who looks suspiciously like Christopher Lloyd), admitted, "We thought about moving, ...
September 18, 2020 by X in California
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The Golden Gate Bridge, Texas-bound? Photo by Prabhanjankumarnandyala [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikimedia.

Golden Gate Bridge will flee California for Texas

Where will it end? SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- It started with hundreds of thousands of residents leaving California. Then theme park Disneyland decided to leave, and was quickly followed by Knott's Berry Farm, SeaWorld, and Disney California Adventure. Now the first non-park landmark has announced its departure: the famous Golden Gate Bridge. The Golden Gate (the bridge) spokesperson Jun Gate (no relation) announced the plans to Uncle Walt's Insider. "Things are just getting nuts out here," said Gate (no relation). "I mean, when someone put ...
September 15, 2020 by Marty in California, World
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The entrance to Disney formerly-California Adventure. Photo by Neon Tommy [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Wikimedia.

With theme parks fleeing the state, Disney California Adventure remains undecided

"Who would want a 'California' park in a non-California state?" ANAHEIM, CA -- Once sister theme park Disneyland decided to leave California (quickly followed by Knott's Berry Farm and SeaWorld), Disney's California Adventure theme park was left in a quandary. "Sure, we'd like to leave," Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) tells Uncle Walt's Insider, "especially since Disneyland took the parking garages with them. But we're a California-themed park. Everything about us screams 'California.' "Take a look at the theming: from ...
September 12, 2020 by Marty in California, World
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