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Non-socially distanced villains at Walt Disney World. Photo by Leigh Caldwell [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.

Confirmed: Disney villains will not wear masks

Why? Because they're "eeeevil." WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- When Walt Disney World fully reopens in July of 2025, a number of virus-prevention requirements will be in place. But not for everyone. Disney villains will not be required to wear masks, or practice social distancing. Realism "Our goal, as always, is realistic storytelling," explains Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation). "When we saw all of the health officials telling everyone to wear a mask for the well-being of others, we thought, huh... What if ... Read more
UWI (Step)Moms Panel

(Step)Moms Panel: “Why are you always SO rude over here?”

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: Why are you always SO rude over here?" - Melissa M, St. Louis MO [Note: This question was posed to us on Facebook. It probably wasn't technically asked of the (Step)Moms, but we don't care. Or is that rude?] Walt: Hi Mel, ... Read more

Uncle Walt’s Insider Week in Review for June 7

Here's what you missed while doing something much less important!  Appearing this past week on Uncle Walt's Insider: Monday (STEP) MOMS PANEL: WDW WITHOUT FASTPASSES OR DINING RESERVATIONS? - No Fastpass+ or dining reservations at Walt Disney World this year? How will it work? Tuesday DISNEY MAGIC TO BE SUNK, TURNED INTO ARTIFICIAL REEF - It's a cost-saving measure. Don't worry, they'll take the crew off first. We think. Wednesday JOE ROHDE'S EARRING SUSPENDS CAMPAIGN, DOES NOT ENDORSE ANYONE - It's the same old story: lack of fundraising, ... Read more
Goofy, shortly after being appointed CEO. We're assuming Toon Town is in shambles now. Photo by Loren Javier [CC BY-ND 2.0] via Flickr.

Mickey’s retirement lasts less than one day

Goofy wasn't fit to be Disney CEO. His name isn't Bob. BURBANK, CA -- Mickey Mouse is back. After announcing his retirement yesterday, the Mouse "pulled an Iger" and announced his unretirement today. No formal reason was given. A source tells Uncle Walt's Insider, however, that Goofy was a "disaster." Anonymous sources  Minnie Our source, who wished to remain anonymous, giggled and said, "My sweetheart just was made to be the head guy. Everyone loves Mickey!" "Oh, sure, everyone loves Goofy, too, but not in the ... Read more
Mickey Mouse. Not Marty. Image by Loren Javier [CC BY-ND 2.0] via Flickr.


He'll still make appearances, but he's turning over the running of the company to Goofy. BURBANK, CA -- In a stunning move, Disney icon Mickey Mouse is retiring as the "big boss" of the Disney empire. The company announced today that Mickey, who is well into his 90's, is "stepping away" to spend more time with Minnie and enjoy his "twilight years." The announcement says Mickey will still appear in the parks on a limited basis, but will leave the daily operations ... Read more