![Non-socially distanced villains at Walt Disney World. Photo by Leigh Caldwell [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/non-socially-distanced-disney-characters-768x403.jpg)
Why? Because they’re “eeeevil.” WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — When Walt Disney World fully reopens in July of 2025, a number of virus-prevention requirements will be in place. But not for everyone. Disney villains will not be required to wear masks, or practice social distancing. Realism “Our goal, as always, is realistic storytelling,” explains Disney…
![I'll never let go, Jack. Er, I mean Mickey. Photo [CC0] via Pxfuel & clipart-library.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/disney-magic-to-be-scuttled-768x403.jpg)
Why don’t they ever sink ships to create natural reefs? PORT CANAVERAL, FL — The Disney Magic is the latest victim of the Covid-19 shutdown. Disney Cruise Line announced today that the Magic, the first cruise ship in the Disney fleet, will be sunk and turned into an artificial reef. With the high cost of maintaining the ship during…
The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] “Dear (Step)Moms: So now we know when Walt Disney World is reopening. But I…
![What exactly are the mask's ear loops holding on to? Photo by Kjaergaard [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/shamu-wearing-proper-face-protection-768x432.jpg)
What exactly are Shamu’s mask’s ear loops holding on to? ORLANDO, FL — Looks like SeaWorld’s animals will get to swim around some more. Our taste buds’ loss is their gain. Interim SeaWorld CEO Marc Swanson (of Swanson TV dinners fame) presented their plans to the May 27th Orange County Economic Recovery Task Force (M27OCERTF,…
![This will keep the Castle from being infected with guests. Photo by Michael Gray [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cinderella-castle-covid-protection-768x432.jpg)
2025? Sounds like they’re rushing into this. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — Disney announced plans for the reopening of Walt Disney World at the May 27th Orange County Economic Recovery Task Force (“M27OCERTF”). A “phased reopening” of the parks will begin in just over five years! Jim McPhee (brother to Nanny McPhee), Senior Vice President…