Opening of Galaxy’s Edge bathrooms delayed

To reduce crowds, restrooms won’t be available until next year.

DISNEYLAND & WALT DISNEY WORLD — Star Wars fans worldwide are besides themselves with excitement, now that the opening dates for Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge have been announced. But they may be missing an important fact — the new areas won’t have any restrooms.

The need to go is strong in this one

“We know it’s going to be packed whatever we do,” says Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation). “But we’re desperate to keep crowds manageable. Sure, we’ve tried publicizing the awful animatronics that will be there. [Ed.: Here, here, here, here, here, here & here.] And we’ve tried auctioning off Fastpasses. But it still seems like the crowds will be huge.”

Disney (the company) seems to have hit on a solution, Disney (no relation) says.

“We’re just not finishing out the restrooms until late 2020 in either park. That way guests will either have to have abnormally large bladders, or will be forced [Ed.: Ha, “forced.”] to leave the entire area.”

Mixed metaphors

This, of course, raises a new concern. Star Wars fans aren’t necessarily known for their high personal hygiene standards. Isn’t the company worried about guests “boldly going” right where they are? [Ed.: That’s a Star Trek reference, not Star Wars.] [Marty: I know. You try coming up with Star Wars-related toilet wordplay, if it’s so easy.]

“Sure,” Disney (no relation) replied. “Taking out guests tinkling in public is the prime reason why we’ve given our stormtroopers blasters with a working stun setting. Now we just need to work on their aim.”

Can you think of any Star Wars potty puns? Let us know in the comments below!

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Cover photo: No toilets visible in Galaxy’s Edge concept art. Photo courtesy Disney.