satire Archives - Page 186 of 209 - Uncle Walt's Insider
Closed for the holiday.

Labor Day news roundup

Three-day weekend? Time to phone it in. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- It's Labor Day, which means Disney parks worldwide will be closed to give their Cast Members a long weekend off to spend with their families. And what's good enough for the Mouse is good enough for Uncle Walt's Insider! [Ed.: Actually, it's much better.]  So for your holiday reading enjoyment, here are some news and rumors from around Walt Disney World and other parks worldwide, that we would write an article ...
September 3, 2018 by Marty in California, Florida, Other, World
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Possible new Disney park location in Michigan? Photo by rmhermen [CC-BY-SA-3.0] via Wikimedia Commons.

New information unfolds about Disneyland Escanaba

This is gonna be good! UNCLE WALT'S HEADQUARTERS, SVALBARD -- Now that the initial excitement (or outrage) about the new Disney theme park in Escanaba, Michigan has subsided, we put in a Skype call to our favorite Disney spokesperson, Jun Disney (no relation) to see if there are any new details that we can share with our readers. She mentioned that while there's not much that's been finalized yet, there were a few new details, and unfolded a sheet of paper. [Ed.: ...
September 1, 2018 by X in Other, World
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Sci-Fi Dine-In Theater restaurant, moments before the tragedy. Or after, we're not sure. Photo by Josh Hallett [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Wikimedia Commons.

Multi-car pileup shuts down Sci-Fi Dine-In Theater

Will Disney still let kids sit in the drivers' seats? DISNEY'S HOLLYWOOD STUDIOS, FL -- The Sci-Fi Dine-In Theater Restaurant was closed for the busy lunch rush yesterday due to a massive, multi-car pileup, which occurred just after the first seating. The Reedy Creek Fire Department & Spa were called in to deal with the carnage. Thankfully there were no reported injuries, as guests were properly restrained and remained seated while the car was in motion. Disney custodial Cast Member and high school ...
August 31, 2018 by Walt in Florida
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An audio-animatronic of Bea Arthur from the Star Wars Holiday Special arrives at Disneyland.

Animatronic Bea Arthur arrives at Disneyland

The much-loved Star Wars Holiday Special will live on in Galaxy's Edge. ANAHEIM, CA -- Following the arrival of Jar Jar Binks and a half-frozen old Leia, another character has made it to the new Star Wars-themed land at Disneyland Park: Ackmena, the beloved owner and bartender at the Mos Eisley Spaceport Cantina, as portrayed by Golden Girl Bea Arthur in the Star Wars Holiday Special. "The Holiday Special holds a sacred space in the Star Wars canon," says Disney (the company) spokesperson ...
August 30, 2018 by Marty in California, Florida
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Len Henry and Webster Pryor racing down Main Street USA.

Senior guests ejected after Main Street USA “drag race”

"Former friends" got a bit too competitive in the Magic Kingdom. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Leonard "Len" Henry, 69, and Webster Pryor, 71, are lifelong friends from Waterloo, Iowa. Or at, least they were friends, until they found themselves kicked out of the Magic Kingdom on Tuesday for "racing" their electric scooters down Main Street U.S.A. "It wasn't just the one incident," says Disney Security Cast Member Clive Ainsworth. "We'd received multiple complaints from guests, and they'd been warned about weaving in ...
August 29, 2018 by Marty in Florida
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