satire Archives - Page 175 of 209 - Uncle Walt's Insider
Now Mickey will cry over your dead body! Photo by Chad Sparkes [CC BY 2.0] via Flickr, modified.

“Magical Funerals®” coming to Walt Disney World

From conceptions to weddings, and now funerals, Disney will take care of you coming or going! SEVEN SEAS LAGOON, FL -- Walt Disney World is not only the top vacation destination in the world, it is also the number one destination for weddings. But with new end-of-life services just announced, it may soon be the premiere spot for "destination funerals"! Disney has over one hundred Cast Members available to officiate weddings, from all different religious and secular backgrounds (the only exception being Calvinists). ...
November 8, 2018 by Walt in Florida
Read more
Constant sunshine, now mandatory all day, year-round in Florida.

Disney successfully lobbies for year-round daylight

"We'll save on lighting costs!" TALLAHASSEE, FL -- Florida's law making Daylight Savings Time permanent in the state is awaiting action from the U.S. Congress, but Disney has already moved onto its next time-shifting goal. With legislation passed earlier this week, Florida will now legally be required to have daylight year-round. Benefits for all! Most. Some? Uncle Walt's Insider was just about to phone up our favorite official source, Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation), when Jun called us. She was eager and ...
November 7, 2018 by Marty in Florida
Read more
Disneyland's back door. Maybe. Photo from Pixabay. Kind of.

Disneyland CM leaves back door propped open; hundreds enter

But is his punishment too evil, even for Disney? ANAHEIM, CA -- It's a blunder that cost the Disneyland Resort unknown thousands of dollars last Tuesday. A custodial Cast Member propped open the back door to the park while taking the day's trash to the dumpster. Consequently, hundreds of guests were able to enter Disneyland for free. "Yeah, I knew it was against the rules," Dan McInnes, 19, told Uncle Walt's Insider. "But it was just going to be for a few minutes. ...
November 6, 2018 by Marty in California
Read more
Uncle Walt's Insider Election Guide.

Uncle Walt’s Insider Election Guide

You don't have to agree with us, unless you're not an idiot. UNCLE WALT'S H.Q., SVALBARD -- Tucked away in our icy headquarters halfway between mainland Norway and the North Pole, it's easy for the staff at Uncle Walt's Insider to feel removed from American politics. Also, most folks who are fans of Disney or other theme parks usually want to escape from the anxiety of everyday life, not be reminded of it. But there are some elections and issues that we cannot ...
November 5, 2018 by Marty in Other
Read more
Uncanny Valley meets Galaxy's Edge.

Animatronic CGI Tarkin arrives at Disneyland

The "reanimated" character will require "dumbing down" the animatronic technology. ANAHEIM, CA -- With Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge just months from opening, another less-than-exciting audio-animatronic figure has been spotted arriving at the Disneyland Resort. As Uncle Walt's Insider has reported, Disney already installed less popular figures from the Star Wars Universe: Jar Jar Binks and Bea Arthur's Ackmena from the Star Wars Holiday Special; old, frozen General Leia; dancing Han Solo; and, inexplicably, the Minions. Tarkin the low road This time, the new character arriving at ...
November 3, 2018 by Marty in California
Read more