Page 147 – Uncle Walt's Insider
Joel Osteen visits Walt Disney World. Photo by Practical Online Marketing & Pixabay.

Joel Osteen looks to Disney for (fundraising) inspiration

"It's just magical -- that's my takeaway. The way Disney gets people to give them money. Magical." WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Joel Osteen, the lead pastor for Houston megachurch Lakewood Baptist, recently visited Walt Disney World and came away inspired. Was it the characters? The music? The churros? No -- Osteen was greatly impressed by the way the resort makes money hand-over-fist. "Disney just has an incredible way of bringing unity," Osteen told Uncle Walt's Insider. "I saw people from across the globe, ...
April 29, 2019 by Walt in Florida, Other
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An extremely rare rain event at the Magic Kingdom. Photo by Andrew Evans [CC BY 2.0] via Flickr.

Rain every day at Walt Disney World? Must be global warming

Apparently it rains every day in the "Sunshine State"! BAY LAKE, FL -- Climate scientists and washed-up politicians are pointing to a "recent" weather phenomenon, and Florida's nickname, to bring awareness to global warming. One scientist thinks Florida will need to abandon its identity as "The Sunshine State" and return to just being known as The Peninsula State. On a recent trip to the most magical place on Earth [Ed.: What does Costco on a weekend have to do with Florida?], climatologist ...
April 27, 2019 by Walt in Florida
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Some new place opening soon in Disney Parks. First we've heard of it. Photo courtesy Disney.

Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge already disappointing fans

Apparently the entire land is CGI. Just like the new Soarin'. BATUU, FL -- Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge has not welcomed a single guest, but reports are already coming in that fans are not happy. A growing legion of Star Wars fans are boycotting this new land, and the reason may surprise you. "Blasphemy!" "Worse than Episode 1-3!" "No churros?" Those are just some of the comments we uncovered during our minutes-long investigation. We reached out to one of these disappointed fans, Wookieluvr421, to ...
April 26, 2019 by Walt in California, Florida
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Contraband. Photo [CC0] via publicdomainpictures.net.

Disney ice ban: pain for some, but pure profit for one man

The new rules ban loose ice. Probably also just-slightly-promiscuous ice. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Since Disney announced its coming ban on ice, the Internet has been filled with the wailing and gnashing of teeth. You can't throw out an initial TCP SYN packet without hitting an ACK packet containing complaints about this ban. [Ed.: The Norwegian in the next section makes more sense to me than that sentence.]  Despite the outcry, one man has reason to celebrate. Beware the frozen heart In a letter ...
April 25, 2019 by Walt in Florida
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Just some of the current Democrat presidential candidates. Photo courtesy kidskunst.info.

Seven dwarfs, Huey, Dewey, Louie, more join list of Democrat presidential hopefuls

Pictured: a partial group of current Democrat presidential candidates. WASHINGTON, DC -- Grumpy, Sneezy, and Doc want to be your President. So do their fellow dwarfs, along with Donald Duck's nephews and many, many other well-known Disney characters. In fact, Federal Election Commission filings this week show that multiple characters have formed exploratory committees, and may soon announce as Democratic candidates for President. Character(s) "Well, of course they'll be running as Democrats," says political analyst and Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation), ...
April 24, 2019 by Marty in Other
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