Apparently the entire land is CGI. Just like the new Soarin’.
BATUU, FL — Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge has not welcomed a single guest, but reports are already coming in that fans are not happy. A growing legion of Star Wars fans are boycotting this new land, and the reason may surprise you.
“Blasphemy!” “Worse than Episode 1-3!” “No churros?”
Those are just some of the comments we uncovered during our minutes-long investigation. We reached out to one of these disappointed fans, Wookieluvr421, to find out more. [Ed.: We apologize for his language; he is obviously very distraught.]
“Yeah, so while George Lucas screwed us all by releasing Episodes 4-6 with new digital crap, it’s nothing like the garbage put out on Episodes 1-3, and now they are pulling the same thing with Star Wars land. Come on, man! This is our chance to walk into the greatest movie that ever existed, and you pull this crap?”
Puzzled, we pressed for more.
“I can’t believe you don’t know. It’s so obvious, like a churro without the sweet, sweet cinnamon sugar on it. [Ed.: Oh no, this is bad.] The effects! The effects, man! It’s all CGI, no practical effects! So when the Falcon takes hits, it’s all digitally created. No real sparks, no actual parts flying off. Nothing like how they did the original movies, and how they did many of the effects in the latest movies.”
Worse than cream cheese pretzels???
“I can’t believe you guys don’t know this. This is worse than when Disney introduced cream cheese pretzels into the world. [Ed.: The HUMANITY!] I mean come ON, even that rotgut of a restaurant Rainforest Cafe has REAL fire shooting out of the volcano. I get it at Disneyland, everything is fake in California, but at Studios? They used to have all sorts of practical effects. Now it’s all just one giant cartoon. I just… man, I gotta go.”
And with that, Wookieluvr421 walked away shaking his head and mumbling something about Bob Iger being a half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder.
Do you prefer practical or CGI effects? Let us know in the comments below!
Cover photo: Computer-generated Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge. Photo courtesy Disney.