Apparently it rains every day in the “Sunshine State”!
BAY LAKE, FL — Climate scientists and washed-up politicians are pointing to a “recent” weather phenomenon, and Florida’s nickname, to bring awareness to global warming. One scientist thinks Florida will need to abandon its identity as “The Sunshine State” and return to just being known as The Peninsula State.
On a recent trip to the most magical place on Earth [Ed.: What does Costco on a weekend have to do with Florida?], climatologist Robert “Bobby” Anderson from Yuma, AZ, discovered a disturbing fact: it rains every day. Now he is raising an alarm about climate change.
“It was my first visit to Florida,” says Anderson. “Well, my first trip anywhere, actually. I was welcomed with signs everywhere, and I mean everywhere, proclaiming Florida as ‘The Sunshine State.’
“Well, they better start printing new signs. I attempted to ignore my life’s work and enjoy my vacation, but I could not do it. The first day, it rained. I figured hey, it’s bound to happen anywhere. The next day, another storm came through. Day three, same thing. Each day, it rained at some point. This is not normal!
“The only answer, and I can’t believe no one has pointed this out, is global warming. We have got to address climate change so Floridians can once again enjoy the sunshine in the Sunshine State! The rain is so bad, I bet they could grow oranges out there!”
We needed more content for this article to reach the required word count, so we reached out to Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) for her thoughts. [Ed.: Good job — that sentence alone added 29 words. And this comment adds another 15!] Her heavy sigh prior to her comments did not make us feel good about what was to come.
“Guys, seriously,” Disney (no relation) exclaimed. “You’ll believe anything.
“Look, it’s Florida. You know why it’s so green around here? It’s a wet climate! We have the Gulf of Mexico [Ed.: I love golf!] on one side of the state and the Atlantic Ocean on the other!
“Our only real problem is stupid tourists — who we really need to keep coming so they spend money here. So, keep the rain thing on the down-low and keep playing up the ‘Sunshine State’ thing.”
So, in conclusion, our vast research has shown that global warming, climate change, whatever you call it, is not actually affecting Florida’s sunshine one bit! So keep going and spending your money. [Ed.: Did we phrase that okay, Jun?]
Did you know they can grow oranges in Florida? Let us know in the comments below!
Cover photo: An extremely rare rain event at the Magic Kingdom. Photo by Andrew Evans [CC BY 2.0] via Flickr.