Disney ice ban: pain for some, but pure profit for one man

The new rules ban loose ice. Probably also just-slightly-promiscuous ice.

WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — Since Disney announced its coming ban on ice, the Internet has been filled with the wailing and gnashing of teeth. You can’t throw out an initial TCP SYN packet without hitting an ACK packet containing complaints about this ban. [Ed.: The Norwegian in the next section makes more sense to me than that sentence.] 

Despite the outcry, one man has reason to celebrate.

Beware the frozen heart

In a letter obtained by Uncle Walt’s Insider, Sámi ice harvester Kristoff Bjorgman reveals that he has been awarded exclusive rights to harvest ice in Florida and distribute it to Walt Disney World.

At least, we think that’s what it says:

Hilsener,

I dag er det en flott dag for alle samiske ishøstere. Jeg har inngått en eksklusiv kontrakt med Disney for å forsyne alle Walt Disney World med is. Dette dekker alle områder av isbruk, fra gjestenes forbruk for å holde silden fra å gå dårlig.

Jeg har sendt forretningspartner, Olaf, til Florida for å skisse ut potensielle innsjøer, elver og fjorder der vi kan begynne å høste is lokalt. Så snart vi har rapporter om hvor du skal finne den beste isen i Florida, flytter vi vår virksomhet fra de frosne fjellene i Norge til de frosne landene i Florida!

Snart vil vi være midt i smørøyet! Inntil da byder jeg deg på trygge reiser!

Kristoff

We couldn’t have said it better ourselves!

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Cover photo: a not-at-all recycled cover photo from our last ice article. Photo [CC0] via publicdomainpictures.net.