We’d write a subheadline, but we’re afraid Disney will charge us for it.
The Genie app eliminates all those annoying free features that investors hated and brings in a new era of pay-to-play to the Disney parks. This revenue-generating service (again, first announced here at UWI) will eliminate FastPass, FastPass+, MaxPass, MaxPass+, and FastPass+-++-++.
[Walt.: Marty, write up the article, put some random date on it from a year or so ago.] [Marty: Nah, I’ll just link to some old stories about various charges. The rubes will never know the difference. No worries.] [Walt: Okay, fine. Just be sure to delete these notes before we publish.]
New fees galore
As part of this new (to you) Disney Genie service, guests will be offered front of the line access using the “Lightning Lane” – for a fee, of course. This new queue combines “Lightning” and “Lane” to bring you, well, basically what you had with FastPass — but now you pay for it! In addition, certain popular attractions like Rise of the Resistance, Radiator Springs Racers, and the County Bear Jamboree will require yet ANOTHER additional fee for the Lightning Lane, with the price fluctuating based on how whiney Bob “Bob” Chapek’s kids (see photo) are that morning.
While this announcement took literally every Disney blogger, vlogger, plogger, alogger, and “journalist” by surprise, UWI was not surprised by this. In fact, we know MORE upcharges are coming to the parks and resorts that investors will love.
More new fees galore
Do you want to ride in the front or back of the ride? $15 PER PERSON. Want to pick a seat on Soarin‘? Prices start at $15 and go up. Using Rider Swap because your ungrateful child isn’t tall enough to ride and not old enough to stay in the stroller while you and your wife ride? $47 – double if your kid is fussy. Packet of ketchup? $1 per packet. A cup of hot Rico’s cheese sauce (that JA from Food Blog Disney calls plastic cheese)? That price is going up as well: $8.50. Need a fork, spoon, knife, or spork? Prices start at $3 each. Extra napkin? That’ll be $2.50, please.
There is a plus side to this new service. Front of the line access to the restroom is also available with Disney Genie+, and it includes access to all of the paper goods you might need while there.
Without it? $10 to sit, $5 to stand. The good news is all formerly-coin-operated toilet paper, feminine product, paper towels, and soap dispensers will now access payments via NFC ONLY. So you can use the Genie app for whatever park you’re in to pay, or continue to use other NFC payment services.
As we discover more changes coming, we’ll write new articles!
UPDATE: There is also a $5 charge for reading a list of the new charges. Sorry, we should have told you. Your bank account will be automatically debited.
Eat enough Rico’s Cheese Sauce and that front of the line bathroom pass will come in handy! Am I right or am I right? Let us know in the comments below!
Cover photo: We can’t wait for the new Mickey+ service, where you’re charged for meeting the characters! Background [CC0 1.0] via stock-free.org; Genie+ logo by Disney.