satire Archives - Page 70 of 209 - Uncle Walt's Insider
A barricade at the entrance to the Main Street U.S.A. Autonomous Zone, which they're claiming isn't in the U.S.A.? Photo courtesy disneyparks.com, mynorthwest.com, & kennythepirate.com.

Protester sets up Main Street U.S.A. Autonomous Zone at Magic Kingdom

This might be revenge for Mickey taking the CEO job away from him. MAGIC KINGDOM, FL -- As Disney readies the parks for upcoming reopening protests, arriving Cast Members found barricades on Main Street U.S.A. Yes, the Walt Disney World Resort & Spa's Magic Kingdom now has its own autonomous zone. Led by an individual calling himself goofy_fan_32, Disney-fan anarchists have set up their own Main Street U.S.A. Autonomous Zone (MSUSAAZ -- not to be confused with MNSSHP or MSNBC). The barricades prevent Disney Security ...
June 20, 2020 by Walt in Florida
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Non-socially distanced villains at Walt Disney World. Photo by Leigh Caldwell [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.

MNSSHP replaced with Mickey’s VERY Scary No-Mask Party

Headless horsemen are not nearly as scary as invisibly virus particles. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Disney announced yesterday that it was canceling the crowd favorite Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Parties (called "MNSSHP" or "Menship" by fans) this year. Instead, they're ramping up the terror with an all new "Mickey's VERY Scary No-Mask Halloween Party" ("MSNBC," pronounced "Rubbish"). Now it won't be just Disney villains who are not wearing masks! No one attending the MRCVS will be allowed to wear a mask. ...
June 19, 2020 by Marty in California, Florida
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UWI (Step)Moms Panel

(Step)Moms Panel: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?" - Ruslan D., Saskatoon SK Marty: I'm sorry, I've never seen Tootsie. But I like that Stephen Bishop song that came from it. Since you're from Saskatchewan, ...
June 18, 2020 by Marty in step-planDisney
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It will look like this on Day One. Photo courtesy Wallpaper Flare.

Disney Parks will now reopen at full capacity, calling crowds a “protest”

Apparently you're less likely to catch the virus if you hold certain points of view. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- As Walt Disney World inches towards its reopening date in 2025, the company is backtracking on its plans for social distancing. The parks first announced they would require guests to undergo temperature checks, maintain distance from people they like as well as those they don't, and immerse themselves completely in hand sanitizer. The company also said park capacity would be limited to ...
June 17, 2020 by Marty in Florida
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Disney's new shuttle service to Universal Orlando. Photo by Disney Tourist Blog, used by permission.

New Minnie Vans destinations: Universal, Sea World, and more!

Disney decides if you can't beat 'em, transport 'em. ORLANDO, FL -- It's almost heaven: Main Street West, Blue Ridge Big Thunder Mountain, Shanandoah Rivers of America. Life is old there, older than the trees that dot the landscape of Walt Disney World. The mountains are young there, never growing more than 199 feet. But those country roads will not only take you home, where some of you belong, but maybe even to West Orlando. Or maybe to Mountain Mama's Cafe and Horseshoe ...
June 16, 2020 by Ub in Florida
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